I’m in my twenties and in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend. My boyfriend’s family has become a second family for me, and we are very harmonious with each other. Well, the questions about marriage and children are slowly increasing. Every family celebration becomes a drama for my boyfriend and me. We are forced to justify why we are not already married. So, here are my answers:
1. Weddings are not really up to date anymore
Basically, marriage is a contract with rights and obligations. The contract is celebrated with numerous traditions and celebrations, a ritual that was previously used to create alliances between families and exchange goods between them. It is also still about securing your children. Well, if you are still not sure whether you want to have children (like me), there is no need to get married. I also don’t want to lose my independence since I feel comfortable without a contract between me and my partner.
2. The tension between you and your partner will decrease
When you get married, you enter a status where your partner is contractually guaranteed to be there no matter what. After talking to married friends, I was told that the status of marriage also gives the partner a certain degree of self-evidentness. As romantic as marriage can be, this security can lead to feeling bored and thinking that you no longer have to put in the effort. In my current relationship, I would never feel so secure to the extent that I would take my boyfriend for granted; I feel compelled to give him the attention he deserves and I ask that of him too. So, we maintain a certain tension that would probably disappear with a marriage.
3. Weddings are so expensive!
Ok, suppose you have just finished your studies and are applying for jobs. You have found a job, but you have to pay off your student loans first and manage current expenses for your new life (rent, car, furniture, etc.). How do you plan to pay for a wedding then too? And for what? It’s only one day. Yes, you will probably remember it for the rest of your life, but I don’t think it’s worth it in the long run. Instead, I would rather throw a garden party that is just as good but not nearly as expensive.
4. A marriage is not an assurance for eternal love
I don’t need a marriage to love my boyfriend. I am happy to have him but I am also happy to keep my independence. I also believe that the future cannot be predicted, so I prefer to enjoy the moment without being tied to a contract. You probably noticed it already, but I’m not a romantic. I just don’t need it, and maybe you can easily find a tradition for both of you that is at least as romantic as a wedding.
In the end, you have to decide for yourself whether marriage is the right thing for you. At the moment, I don’t see any reasons to get married, but maybe you do! And don’t get me wrong, I love the wedding receptions, so I’m glad that people are still getting married.