Growing up with parents who never married leaves a mark on a child. You expect a fairytale romance when you’re five years old like Cinderella. At first, I believed in love at first sight but now at twenty years old I’m not so sure. Feelings of shock and curiosity ran through my veins about how to maintain a “fairytale” romance like how they show on TV. Coming from a mother who never married made me question the purpose of it. If you love someone forever, why do you have to prove it to the justice system?
As the age of sixteen popped up known as the “rollercoaster” age in my eyes for a woman, hormones jump around in your body like five-year-olds in a bounce house. My father adored the fact that love that leads to marriage. My mother never brought up the word marriage. Growing up with her, we never spoke about what my first wedding will be or what it will have. I was engrained to take care of myself first and always because I am the key to my own happiness. Since high school, I have carried that mindset with me.
In high school, dating was prohibited. In my mother’s eyes, “dating will take you off your studies”. Feelings of confusion entered my brain when I got butterflies with my first crush. I questioned, “Is this normal?” with a sprinkle of “EWWWWW feelings”. I felt it was not ethical to be in a relationship because of how young a person is and the maturity level isn’t up there. Attractions to the opposite sex were never brought up to my parents. Girls usually experimented with makeup, dresses, and short skirts to impress the boys at my school but that wasn’t me. I hated the feeling of how makeup stuck to my face and how with dresses and skirts, I had to sit properly or else I wasn’t lady-like.
At the age of 18 where I was allowed, I found it difficult. It wasn’t easy like how your typical childhood princess movies would portray it. My mother made it very clear to me that the ease of relationships is “TV BS”. She never encouraged me to have a boyfriend or never questioned why I didn’t have one.
That stuck with me when I entered my freshman year of college. Those feelings of anxiousness and butterflies hit again when I was surrounded by men my color. I believed in love at first sight 100 percent., until I’ve experienced feelings of being lost. I never had knowledge growing up about how to get into one. So I found my method. I still question if it is something a typical girl would do or not. I am a firm believer in making the move first because that is what I want so I go for it.
It is okay to be super selective about who you date. My mom had taught me that I can create my relationship in my way and not how society wants me to have it. Coming from parents who never married, the act of marriage is most definitely something I want to be a milestone in my life. I am a firm believer in marriage and sharing a family and everything with the person I love and conquering together. For me, a relationship is just an addition to my lifestyle not joined forever. Just an addition to what I already have.
I’ve realized it is okay to catch feelings. It is okay to date as many people as you please as long as you know who you are and what you want. My parents non-marital relationship most definitely taught me to be careful and examine who I strongly feel I want to spend the rest of my life with which is ingrained into my brain till the day I die. Also now my input is to not get into something serious unless I know for sure who I am and how I would react and how I handle situations. Especially in a Marriage.