Changing My Mindset From “I Have To” to “I Get To”

Let’s face it, we can all sometimes be a little blind to what we have in front of us. Whether that be the people, the things, the opportunities, or the resources. In a fast paced, materialistic, constantly transforming society, it can be hard to focus on what is in front of you rather than what is in front of those around you. The smallest things like homework or doing the dishes or cleaning your room can feel SO irritating, but at the end of the day, we truly are lucky to be alive and to be able to do those things. With everything going on in the world, I have been really focusing on self betterment, specifically my mental health and mindset. The deeper I dove, the more I realized how much I was taking for granted the life that I have. So, I sat down and had a heart to heart with myself, ultimately deciding that it was time for a change. Here is how and why I am changing my mindset from “I have to” to “I get to.”

Recently, I have been reading a LOT of books. Are they the books I’m supposed to be reading for class? No. Should they be? Probably. But we won’t talk about that. Recently with my deletion of social media, I have had to fill my free time with other activities, reading being one of those. Now although I have been avidly reading and enjoying my guilty pleasure romances and thrillers, I also have really been focusing on implementing books that teach me something and have a true impact. Whether that be self help or motivational books, memoirs, racial justice books, feminist poetry, or just plain old educational books, I have been really making an effort to change my mind and my heart. In reading the stories of other people and reading about the human mind and experience, I realized that I was honestly acting like a brat, to be quite blunt. I would complain about every little inconvenience in my life, no matter how trivial or pointless, and the realization of that was really upsetting, especially considering how much I have to be grateful for. Whether it be a 30 page reading for class, a long phone call for work, 30 minutes spent cleaning my room, or my mom wanting to play her nightly game of 20 questions after work, I found myself constantly having a negative mindset.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and act like some uppity motivational speaker that has all the answers or that I have fully cured myself of complaining. But, I will sit here and tell you that I am trying to make a change. I have been continuously working to be intentional with how I spend my time alone and with others. I have been journaling and working on being mindful and self aware. I have been practicing daily gratitude and making sure I acknowledge the abundant amount of good in my life. Another thing I have been doing that I think has made a huge difference, and I know I never shut up about it, is deleting social media. Whether we want to admit it or not, social media does have a huge impact on us and I noticed that for me personally, it was just one big case of imposter syndrome. I never felt good enough, I never felt like I had enough, I never felt like I was doing enough and this took a massive toll on me. Not to mention, it made me have a negative mindset about a lot of the things in my life, even though I have so much to be happy about. I have a place to live, I have food and water, for Pete’s sake I am getting a college education at a great university and just got a full time job offer! 

In talking about all this and saying what I have said, I also need to acknowledge the fact that it is okay to feel upset sometimes. It is okay to get cranky, or to complain, or to feel stressed. I am not making this “lifestyle change,” or saying any of this to invalidate anyone’s feelings, including my own. It is important to be self aware and acknowledge how you feel, but also to know that those feelings are valid. Something I have struggled with and continue to struggle with is getting mad at myself and feeling guilty for being upset because I know there are people in the world who are going through so much worse. But, while that may be true and important to take notice of, it also doesn’t take away the fact that the way I feel is still valid. Similarly, the way you feel or the struggles you go through are valid as well, no matter how trivial, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Overall, I have just really been trying to approach each and every task and event in my life with an open mind and heart. Even if I really don’t feel like doing homework or reading the insane amount of articles and chapters assigned for class (c’mon professors, can we chill a bit?), I try to focus on the fact that I am lucky to be able to go to school. I am lucky to be in majors and at a university that so greatly allows me to explore my passions and to create opportunities and networks around that. When I feel tired and not in the mood to talk right before a phone call for work, I remind myself that I am making an impact and helping people, but also making an income. When I don’t feel like answering the million questions that my mom bombards me with every night, I remember that she loves me and just wants to know me and be a part of my life.

As much as people make fun of the “new year, new me” and “this will be my year” resolutions and social media posts, I think they are an amazing thing. Setting goals for yourself and working to improve yourself is a beautiful thing, and another thing we should be grateful for the chance to do. Now obviously it isn’t New Year’s, but that doesn’t mean we can’t set resolutions and transform. Life is one big chance to evolve, each day is a mini new year. Set goals for yourself, take time out of the day to journal and be mindful, work to make the changes you want to see in yourself. Changing a mindset, a “heart-set,” and how you approach life is a very hefty goal, and not something that can or should be done in one day. I have seen progress, which is amazing, but I know full well that I have a VERY long way to go. But, that is okay because that is what life is about, acknowledging your faults and working to improve yourself, no matter how long it takes. Be patient and enjoy the ride. (That was kinda cheesy, huh?)

 

• healthy mindset
• resolutions
• self reflection