When I first saw Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram post, I must admit I felt a wave of uncomfortableness. No doubt, the black and white photos were very personal and shared a devastating and heartbreaking side of pregnancy. As I tapped through the five images, I felt intrusive and almost as if I shouldn’t have witnessed such a private moment. If you’re not aware yet, Chrissy Teigen and her husband, John Legend, shared a few weeks ago the news of losing their third child due to pregnancy complications. While most comments and tweets were to send the couple love and prayers, others openly shamed her for sharing the photos and some even suggested it was all a publicity stunt for attention. Furthermore, others insisted that the couple looked like they posed for the photographs and that grieving the loss of a child didn’t look like that.
Although I’ve personally never experienced a miscarriage or knew someone close to me who had, a wave of sadness and anger washed over me when I read these responses. Who were these people to tell Chrissy and her family how to grieve? Who were they to suggest that there’s a “right” way to deal with the pain of losing a child? There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Two people could experience the same event yet react to it in drastically different ways. Ultimately, both responses are valid and both shouldn’t have others tell them they’re dealing with the situation the “wrong” way. Sure, there are some usual emotions that most people experience when a devastating event occurs. Shock, denial, disbelief or anger are a few that the same people may experience, but all respond to differently.
For Chrissy and her family, taking photos of the miscarriage process may have been how they chose to cope and honour the loss of their child. For many others, it may have seemed distasteful or a useless gesture, but that’s okay. It’s fair to feel the way you do and have different opinions, but please have some compassion and don’t tell others how they should be dealing with their grief.
Fortunately, most social media users outpoured their support for Chrissy since she opened up about her experience. Many women have commended Chrissy for being brave to share her grief and for starting a much-needed public conversation regarding miscarriage. According to Planned Parenthood, 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. That may seem like a small percentage, but to put it in perspective, that’s millions and millions of women and their families across the world who experience the heartbreaking moment that no one wishes to. Miscarriage is usually kept private and is talked about far too less amongst not only women but families as well. By sharing her personal experience, Chrissy isn’t just encouraging others to share their experience as well, but also bringing awareness to this taboo subject.
In whatever situation that involves loss, please allow yourself to grieve. In whatever way, capacity or length you feel is necessary. If you’re on the sidelines and trying to support someone you care about who’s grieving, it can be challenging to know what to say or do. One of the most important things you can do is to simply be there and support them through their process of grieving.
Grieving is an individualized experience. There’s no right or wrong way to do it.