What is your relationship with self-pleasure? This may be one of the most difficult things to talk about as a person with vulva in Singapore. Our sexual education in schools is limited and we still suffer from what is known as the orgasm gap.
For now, let’s focus on sex toys for pals with vulvae specifically. How and where do you look for sex toys? How can you get away with doing so without being so embarrassed you might explode?
Before we begin, figure out what you like by using nature’s toys: your fingers. Touch, stroke, circle or rub your clitoris, try fingering yourself or even rubbing your vulva. Do you prefer internal or external stimulation or both? Do you like stimulating your G-spot? How much thickness is too much? Do you prefer something stiffer? These can inform your purchasing decision. That said, you need to figure out what your budget is as these toys can be quite pricey. This does not mean those that cost less are terrible, they may just come with fewer features such as waterproofing or require batteries instead of being chargeable.
Material of sex toys
Now, let’s talk about the types of sex toys and what makes a cheap or expensive toy. The main difference would be the materials used and the technology behind it. It’s quite similar to buying computer parts in that sense. Unfortunately, the sex toy industry is not regulated, so sometimes you may not even be certain of its purity. Make sure to look at the materials used and keep yourself informed as some of these toys may be made with cheaper, and sometimes dangerous, material.
The main types of materials used are:
Silicone
Being squishy (and hence somewhat lifelike) as well as mostly inert, silicone is the most popular choice for sex toys. Look out for “phthalate-free” and “body-safe” in the copy, and either “food-grade,” or “medical-grade” in the ingredients. Theoretically, all silicone should not be porous and stay inert.
“Food-grade” is not medically tested, but the idea is that food-grade silicone does not transfer chemicals to food when it’s heated or cooled. The theory is that food-grade silicone will work the same way with the human body, but this is unproven.
The safest option, especially if the toy is being inserted, is medical-grade silicone. This is also the most expensive option. This is the material used in breast implants and is regulated by the FDA’s Center for Devices and Radiological Health. Medical-grade silicone is the only one that has actually been tested to interact with human bodies.
Fake silicone
Some toys may be listed as silicone, but the ingredient list may say “jelly rubber” and polyvinyl chloride (PVC). These are porous, meaning that bacteria can get inside the toy and make it almost impossible to clean properly. Remember the clear jelly shoes that were trendy a while back? Those were also made of jelly rubber. These tend to be much more affordable, but are not very hygienic and may produce smells or become sticky after some time.
Glass or metal (steel)
These are inert materials that won’t leak chemicals or harbour bacteria (as long as you’re washing your toys correctly). Glass or metal toys can be very durable and hygienic, but the rigid material may be a con to some. The qualities of the material also allow for temperature-play exploration. This category of toys would be in the mid-range.
If you want something that has some tech in it, i.e. is powered (vibrates or thrusts), silicone will likely be the material that encapsulates the tech. This is why silicone toys can range from $50 to a few hundred. This is then dependent on the technology included in your toy. Premium features could be being packaged in an inconspicuous container (like a lamp or necklace), having an app that allows remote (Bluetooth or long distance) control, or being self-thrusting. Generally, $50-$70 can get you a quality toy that will last.
In general, for penetrative toys, the expert advice would be to always put a condom over your toy to ensure safety. This is particularly for fake silicone or food-grade silicone toys (if you’re super concerned!) Condoms also make using sex toys with multiple partners safer.
Types of sex toys
Besides the material used, sex toys aimed at those with vulvas can be broken down roughly into internal and external stimulators. In general, external stimulation focuses on the clitoris or the labia majora, while internal stimulation focuses on penetration or the G-spot. Some have both too!
External stimulators
1. Vacuum suction
A recent innovation, these toys feature a flickering or sucking sensation that focuses on the clitoris. This is ideal for people who love clitoris stimulation, but not if you get overstimulated easily, or if your clitoris is hyper-sensitive.
2. General external vibrators
They may look like an egg or some other innocuous flat item. It’s meant to be used by holding it against your labia majora (or wearing it in your underwear for the lazier of us), for slight stimulation. They can also be vibrators for the clitoris. It applies a more general pressure and may be better for those who dislike extreme focus on the clitoris.
3. Wands
Made famous by Sex and the City, the wand-type toy is modelled after the iconic Hitachi wand. Many options are available on the market now, from wired (for very intense vibrations) to rechargeable (wire-free) and waterproof. The wired options may be louder and be uncomfortable to use if you’re afraid of being overheard. This toy is an in-between option where you can exercise control by placing it on the clitoris or a more general area. Some wands also have attachments that allow for internal stimulation as well.
Internal stimulators
1. Dildos
Probably the most well-known type of toy, dildos are made of the most varied material and can come in ‘realistic’ and more ‘fantastical’ shapes. Fantastical shapes can be intimidating and are also more expensive. Dildos range in size from 3 inches to 11 inches and colour, from flesh tones to the rainbow. There is also a range of diameters it comes in, so look out for that information if you know you prefer a certain thickness. Dildos may be straightforward, but you can be inventive with them. Some feature a suction cup too!
2. Rabbits
Rabbits are touted as the best of both worlds, stimulating both the clitoris, typically having a two-pronged external feature (thus giving it the moniker “rabbit,” although some just feature one prong) as well as a penetrative dildo part. The idea is that moving the dildo will move the external feature against the clitoris as well. Some rabbit toys also vibrate, and some allow individual control of both the rabbit and dildo. This toy may not be suitable if you think your clitoris is spaced a bit farther/closer than the average as the rabbit feature may not touch your clitoris.
3. G-spot targeters
These are quite similar to dildos in that they are a similar shape, though they can sometimes be a rabbit as well. These toys are specifically angled to reach that elusive “magic spot” instead of the more straightforward in-out of a dildo. These are great for those who love stimulating the g-spot.
How do you judge if you will like such toys? Here’s a handy guide with some tips on how to evaluate a toy!
Where to buy toys (discreetly)
Here’s the hard part now that you know more about toys. Where can you get them? Although we may believe and advocate for taking charge of your self-pleasure and freeing yourself from shame, it is a fact that people still judge when you even simply take a glance at the condom section. With that, we offer some recommendations that can help you avoid these barriers.
First of all, other than physical sex shops that seem seedy, Watson’s and Guardian actually sell a few of the types we spoke about, for a reasonable ($50 range) price and performance! They stock toys from Smile Makers, a local company focusing on women’s pleasure. This line of toys can also be found on The WYLD Shop, Qoo10 and Lazada.
Other than these “normal” shops, be it online or physical, you can obviously find toys on sex toy websites (a simple Google search will produce results). Most of them offer discreet shipping, which means that these come in unbranded brown packaging with little to no information. If you’re concerned about your family finding out, local ones will also offer POPstation pickup or store pickup (usually at innocuous warehouses, no fear, except perhaps when you face the receptionist). You can also look at some international sex toy websites, as they may offer free shipping as well as student discounts. Do note that tax may apply if your purchase is above $400 (as of September 2020).
