We all love the holidays. There’s great food, presents, and spending time with the people we cherish… even though some we find hard to get along with. If you have a family member who might drive you a little crazy or seem to always bring up controversial subjects when you have opposing opinions then you are NOT ALONE! Everyone has a grandparent, uncle, aunt, or cousins who seem to purposefully push our buttons during the happiest time of the year. The big question, however, is how do we deal with them?
This doesn’t include when a drunken uncle is yelling and shouting about politics, but more when someone tries to start a debate at the dinner table or maybe when the two of you are alone. By genuinely listening to what they have to say, you not only show that person respect, but you also have a chance to ask them questions and form a better understanding of their beliefs (in the same way that you want/hope to be heard). Don’t just nod along while thinking of come-backs, but try to hear them out.
Wait to comment or tell your opinion until they’re done
Waiting until they’ve said their piece will make them feel more appreciated and genuinely heard. It will also allow you to then ask them questions or state your opinions on the subject. When we rush to criticize or comment on someone else’s ideas, we cause them distress. You wouldn’t want someone doing that to you so try to avoid doing it to them.
When we try to form our arguments, commonly, we want to point fingers at those with opposing views. However, when talking to your loved ones it might do better to say “I” instead of “you.” By saying things like “I feel that the Black Lives Matter Protests are peaceful ways to hopefully stop serious issues and it makes me sad when others automatically stereotype a group of people for one person’s mistakes” rather than “you’re wrong for thinking that the BLM protests are dangerous and you’re stereotyping them,” you allow that person to see your point without blaming them. Hopefully, when they hear you out and realize your feelings they’ll understand in the same way you try to understand them.
Have patience
After you express your opinions and thoughts, you might get some backlash. This can happen either peacefully or they might become angry, but as long as you’re keeping cool then you have nothing to worry about. By giving into emotions in an extreme way, such as yelling, you’re stooping down to their level. If it gets intense try to say “I’d rather not continue this conversation because I don’t want to argue. Let’s move on”
If all else fails, you can leave. Family is important, but so is respect. If your family member(s) can’t respect you enough to move on from a sensitive subject then you shouldn’t have to be forced to continue the conversation. Walking away is always acceptable.