In my column, I aim to answer any questions regarding sex, relationships, etc. My answers will be based on experiences of my own, as well as other people, to provide advice, reassurance and hopefully break some stigmas.
What was your first time like? Any advice to anyone who hasn’t had sex yet?
My first time was not at all what I expected it to be like. I was 16, and in my first serious relationship, so sex was not something I was scared of – I was very much ready for that step in my life. I had explored myself sexually prior (which is not common at 16), meaning that I understood somewhat how I should feel. It did not hurt me; I was relaxed as it was something that I had initiated myself. My advice would be to anyone who has not yet had sex is not to feel pressured to do so! There isn’t a timer running out of when you should have sex and your partner should understand that. Your first time essentially means nothing unless you want it to (which I did). However, one thing I will say is to make sure you are comfortable with the other person and have a good time! It’s good to remember that sex is just as much for you as it is for the other person. It will only continue to get better after your first time anyway.
Do you think ‘Friends with Benefits’ can work?
I believe it is important for friends with benefits to establish what is happening from the get-go; otherwise, it will become a one-sided situation. If this person has always been a good friend and you become sexually attracted to them, ask yourself: “What will this mean for our friendship?”. Is it a case of just wanting to sleep with them, or do you want something else from it? I think that friends with benefits can work if intentions are clear and boundaries are set from personal experience. Both people should want the same thing, so don’t settle for friends with benefits if it’s a matter of just wanting to keep that person in your life. I think ‘acquaintances with benefits’ can be more successful as you do not know each other; therefore, you do not care for one another in a platonic way.
Do you think female masturbation is spoken about enough? What is your view on it?
Personally, I do not think that female masturbation is spoken about enough – especially in school. During sexual education lessons, boys are taught that it is natural for them and girls are left wondering why they aren’t in the same club. More education on female masturbation can only result in more girls becoming in touch with their bodies. Many girls’ sexual awakening involves a swimming pool and a pool noodle – yes you, I’m addressing you reading this! It is important to know your body and how to pleasure yourself before you invite anybody else to explore it.
What are your thoughts on ‘body count’ (amount of previous sexual partners)?
A person’s body count is a controversial topic. Honestly, I believe that you and your partner must have similar opinions on body count; otherwise, this could result in later disputes over it. However, many people do think it is a strong reflection of someone’s character. I disagree with this as it isn’t something that matters to me. I believe that girls are too heavily scrutinised for their body count, which needs to be eradicated. Just because a woman is sexually liberated, does not make her an unworthy partner, and the same goes for men. Additionally, it is okay to be aware of your body count! It is not the same for everyone, and for some people, sex is an intimate activity that they believe should not be done with just anyone. This view should be equally as respected.
(Send in your questions to India every Friday at https://www.instagram.com/user/indcstro)
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