With COVID-19 and the Circuit Breaker in 2020, going out to meet new people seems to be harder than ever, and even more so for an introvert like me. With small and few friend circles, potential dates are very hard to find. Plus, asking my fellow introverted friends whether they know anyone who might be looking for a date… yeah, no. Dating apps then seem like the best alternative. I get to see who catches my eye from the smartphone I’m perpetually glued to, without the fear of making eye contact or having them notice that I’m staring. The bio of a dating profile seems to provide a handy cheat-sheet of how someone wants to present themself, so that should appeal to introverts… right? Most dating apps only let two people chat after they’ve both indicated interest in each others’ profiles, so that should ease the cursing nerves about “What if they aren’t interested?” I tried out some popular dating apps in Singapore and here’s what I struggled with the most.
1. Photos
Across all the dating apps I dabbled in, here’s what I found that they all have in common: They all highly encourage photos of yourself in your profile. This is probably the largest hurdle for me and likely many other introverts. Many of us are photo shy, and apart from the far and few selfies we do have, most photos are likely to be group shots with friends. I’m not one for photos of myself, so I had to dig really far back for some pictures I thought were acceptable.
2. Biography
Depending on the app, the amount of information you can include in your biography is up to you. Tinder prompts you to pick up to 5 interest categories to display on your profile, Coffee Meets Bagel asks you more detailed lifestyle-oriented questions to fill out your bio, and Hinge lets you answer any number of conversation starters from their large pool of questions. Depending on how comfortable you are with putting information out there, this may be daunting for some introverts.
Here’s my personal breakdown of the 3 apps I tried.
- Hinge
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Hinge’s extensive profile-building options made it the most interesting out of all the three apps that I tried. The open-ended questions allowed me to express myself to whatever extent I felt comfortable to share and show off some witty humour. However, the very small number of users on the platform made it rare for me to find a match, and many of the other profiles there didn’t even bother to pad it with any information. Thus, while introverts in other countries seem to have found more success on Hinge, it doesn’t seem to be ideal in Singapore.
- Coffee Meets Bagel
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CMB’s numerous options with partner profile preferences make it easier to find potential dates with similar circles of interest, or lifestyle choices (smoking, drinking, future parental preferences). Even though I also did not get any dates through this app, I did meet someone who wanted to be a friend. Unlike Tinder, there were much fewer people looking for one night stands or friends with benefits relationships. CMB’s feature that lets you drop a message to someone you’re interested in without the expectation for them to respond to you may give an option to introverts who want to drop a friendly message.
- Tinder
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I was reluctant to try Tinder, based on what my friends have joked about the app.
“It’s just for hook-ups”
“It’s just full of f–kboys”
It’s an undisputed fact that Tinder is the most popular dating app in Singapore. It can likely be attributed to how easy it is to skim through numerous profiles with a swipe of the thumb, as well as the sheer number of people using the app. Perhaps it is this commodification that makes the experience so impersonal – most profiles of guys have a picture of their fitness, travel photos, pictures of animals/pets, and maybe a quip in the bio. Not much personal information is shared about their personalities. Looks are what matters most on this app. Not having many photos of yourself puts your profile at a much larger disadvantage. Additionally, even if there is a match, it’s very unlikely that things will progress. As such, it can shake an introvert’s confidence and stir anxiety since it’s largely a beauty contest.
All in all, I did not have the best of experiences on dating apps in Singapore. However, I hope that my experiences could be of help to any other fellow introverts who are perhaps on the fence about testing new waters! It’s not as mysterious as it seems, and leaving it (deleting your account) is easy when there are no strings attached. However, in my opinion, Coffee Meets Bagel would be my recommended dating app for introverts, as it balances the amount of information you can have on profiles as well as a relatively populated community of users.
For introverts contemplating dating apps, have patience. With a large number of users on the more popular dating apps, it may take some time before you match with someone compatible. But with time, you might eventually find someone who connects with you.