I like to compare the last year of my life to the song “Happiest Year” by Jaymes Young, but don’t be fooled by the title. The song tells the story of someone who had everything, but then it gets ripped away. They are now reliving the memories and being grateful for those memories in their current struggles. They long for the life they used to live.
Sounds depressing, I know, but there is positivity that comes out of it. I was one of the unlucky seniors who got, what was supposed to be a year filled with memories, cut short. I still remember the week it all happened. My friends and I had been hanging out every day because the realization that we would all be in different places was really beginning to set in. We made plans for vacations, birthdays, prom, and graduation. But days later all of this would be forgotten. All of this canceled. These monumental teenage experiences all ripped away. There was nothing that made it easy. To this day I still get really upset that I won’t have those memories of a normal senior year or the stories to tell my kids. You grow up watching movies that romanticize this one year that takes eleven to get to. It’s hard to view it in any positive light. But did we make the best of it? Of course. But after a year has gone by, and I’ve gone through some of the hardest things I’ve had to go through, I’m able to sit back and see how all of these things changed me, and that the girl who sat in shock that her senior year was canceled, no longer exists.
My sadness about my senior year was somewhat forgotten once summer came. My friends and I were still close as ever and made huge efforts to make the most of the situation we were given. I had future plans and a budding relationship. I went out almost every night and became super close with my family. This person I was, was the happiest I’d ever been. I thought that life couldn’t get much better. College was coming and my mindset was it was going to be the same as the life I was experiencing, that my life could only get better. The end of summer came, and I said some of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever had to say. But they were just temporary goodbyes. We would jump right back where we left off over winter break. Nothing would change. But this is where I began to realize that life was changing. People were changing. The people we were the summer before college would never exist the same way it did.
My first semester of college wasn’t the easiest. In the middle of a pandemic, it’s not the easiest thing to be experiencing for the first time. I missed my friends, was doing long distance, and was constantly homesick. I wished the time away because nothing compared to my home friends. My mental health was suffering, and I thought the only cure was to be back at home where I was my happiest. Break came and I was beyond excited to get back to myself, to do all the fun stuff I used to do. But boy was I wrong. My relationship ended and I barely saw my friends. It’s as if everyone around me had progressed with their lives and I was still stuck in high school. The next coming months were some of the hardest times I’ve ever been through. I was mourning the loss of the person I was. I just couldn’t accept the fact that it was all over. All the plans I had were just gone. My mental health was awful. I just couldn’t understand how I could go from my happiest to my worst in a span of a few months. But now, kind of like the song, time has gone by. I have been able to take a step back and accept the things that have happened. Holding onto things that aren’t holding onto me anymore only hurts me more.
I mentioned that there was positivity that came from my struggles. Trust me it wasn’t easy for me to find either, and I still struggle with it. But on New Year’s Eve I decided I was going to stop being upset and asking why me, and actually make a change in my life to better myself. I’m still on this journey but I’ve learned so much about myself and life. I came to the acceptance that I can’t dwell on my past; I can only focus on the now and the future. I’ve become more involved in college and put more effort into my classes. I’m working out and living a healthy lifestyle. I have come to many realizations about life. So just like Jaymes Young’s song, I’m grateful for the “Happiest Year” of my life because it showed me that life can be that good.
I’m forever grateful for the memories I have, and even use them as motivation sometimes that even in the hard times I know that life has the potential to be this good. The last year has changed and impacted me more than any year ever has before. I’m still learning so much about myself and life, but I’m grateful for the experiences that have gotten me to where I am. I feel like this side of the transition between high school and college is not talked about. All of it really hit like a brick wall because so much change happens in such a short amount of time. I am writing about this in hopes that it can help someone else be better prepared and almost expect these changes that come with college. I hate change, but it’s also not something to be scared of. It might be hard at first, but in the ends it’s all worth it.