One of these past weeks, I dropped the term “hooking-up” on my Gen X mother and she was lost. However, “hooking-up” is a well-known term amongst members of younger generations and the term, as well as the action itself, is very prevalent on college campuses, not that there is anything wrong with that.
I, for one, wanted to be single and free to “play the field” and meet new people, which is usual when coming to college, and for the most part, I did. That mindset and desire are common amongst college students who aren’t already or don’t want to be in a committed romantic relationship. These college students want the freedom to “hook-up” with whoever they please instead of being tied down to a set person. Exploring one’s sexuality seems and sounds all fine and dandy, however, problems arise with the double standard that exists within hook-up culture.
Let’s first clarify what “hooking-up” is. “Hooking-up” refers to sexual acts and doesn’t have a set definition of what those sexual acts entail, it can be anything from making out to sex to everything in between. The term is generally very vague. This is convenient for both sexes because it allows males to brag to their friends and imply that more happened than what actually did, and it allows females to be subtle about it, which is where the double standard lies.
The term “hooking-up” is convenient for females because it allows them to explore their sexuality without being explicit as to what exactly happened and risk their reputations being damaged by derogatory labels, while boys are praised for their sexual experiences and encounters. Girls should have just as much freedom as boys to explore their sexuality and enjoy sex without being shamed for it.
The way boys are praised is also a part of a society with a toxic environment regarding sex. There is a lot of societal pressure to engage in sexual activity when in reality it’s not a competition; there is no prize. Everyone should feel at liberty to do what they want when they want to (consensually, of course) without pressure from society. This has also created this toxic construct of “virginity” to shame women and pressure men, when in reality nothing is being lost but a new experience and dimension to life is being gained.
Hook-up culture is also detrimental to those seeking committed romantic relationships and hopes to find one through hooking-up with someone. Unfortunately, you can’t get into bed with lust and expect him to call you his girlfrien—believe me, I’ve tried.
Sometimes hooking-up with the same person consistently is viewed better than not having anything but that’s not true, which is common for girls who get disillusioned with hook-up culture and want something real, while guys are mainly seeking sexual gratification without the commitment of a relationship. Stop looking for love in places it does not exist. Because of this dynamic of girls wanting relationships and guys just wanting sexual gratification, hook-up culture serves male goals while limiting female wants.
Not to mention that the serious challenge of having to detach emotions from physical activity arises when participating in hook-up culture. When this doesn’t happen successfully, generally girls who want commitment may end up getting attached because oxytocin is the hormone released during sex that can lead to feelings of trust, loyalty and bonding.
Not to say that hookup culture is bad and detrimental to both sexes because everyone should have the right to feel sexually liberated, but it’s a tricky system to navigate. Both parties need to be on the same page and know what they want and when they want it in terms of casual sex and being in a committed romantic relationship or else this ideally “no strings attached” arrangement may lead to both parties tripping over tangled strings of awkwardness and unrequited love.
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