I happen to believe that birth order really does affect the way we’re raised and the people we become. The classic stereotypes of only children not being able to share, youngest children being overly energetic, or a stuck-up girl immediately assumed to be the eldest daughter. I never really understood the boxes I checked until having social media thrust upon me as a teenager.
Being the oldest daughter and older sister of the family has always been my role, and I’m sure my nitpicky and strict traits show through sometimes even apart from family. I’ve felt like a second parent to my little sister since the minute she was born, which probably made me a very controlling three-year-old. I’m the oldest of two youngest parents, so in my case I was the odd one out. Going from the baby of the family to the eldest so quickly forced me to mature much faster than my sister, and probably my parents as well.
I’ve seen countless videos on social media with the line, “Who’s going to take care of the girl who takes care of everyone else?” Which can be very true; most of us end up becoming this very girl as well as the ultimate people pleaser. Parents are learning how to be parents with you. We learn much faster than our younger siblings that our parents are humans with flaws and struggles just like us.
I, as well as many of my friends, who are also older sisters, strive for the same things. The unreachable goal of being the perfect child, having the best grades, and ladylike behavior out of fear of disappointing their families. Even people with the kindest and easy-going parents tend to put overwhelming pressure on themselves. Their parents never have to worry if their homework or chores are done, because they know they’re done before even asking. This leads us to become an example for our younger siblings, pushing us even harder not to screw up.
The label has even started being romanticized on social media as a way to glorify self-sacrifice and emotional exhaustion for aesthetics rather than true relation. We build our characters on independence and being the bigger person rather than being blissfully unaware. I can usually tell within minutes of meeting someone if they are the oldest child or not based on their social awareness alone. How they treat waiters, baristas, or sales assistants tends to give it away. Over the years, I’ve figured out that older children tend to have overflowing empathy, maybe too much at times. Even having it for people who don’t deserve it, which I’m sure I’m guilty of doing the same.
I’m hoping future older children learn how to be kids instead of mini adults from the minute they’re born. Allowing them to run wild and play, rather than care for their siblings and attempt to be perfect. We need to learn how to move through life without clutching perfectionism with such strength. Not bringing these overbearing traits into future relationships. It’s not the end of the world to ourselves or our parents if we make mistakes. Don’t feel like a burden and learn to take up as much space as you please.