I’m turning 20 in a couple of months and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve never been in a relationship. While I am very grateful that I haven’t had my heart broken, that’s not to say that I don’t want one. I would consider myself a hopeless romantic. Maybe not exactly hopeless in the sense that I don’t think love will ever find me, but in the “watched one too many rom-coms” type of way. I do have hope and I know that just because love or a relationship isn’t in my life right now, doesn’t mean that it’s not out there. I think it’s part of our human nature to want to be loved or to be in love. I will admit, it does get hard to stay positive or not be envious of others I see in relationships, but I’ve found that looking for love in other spaces can be just as special, if you know what you’re looking for. Â
Yes, the market isn’t exactly the best right now. I’ve been in 2 “talking stages” if you will, and I’ve had enough. None of them transpired into anything more than just a friendship, when you really look at it. A lot of guys I know try too hard to be this nonchalant person that they’re just not, or they realize too late they don’t want a relationship, or they simply aren’t over their ex yet. The post-breakup stage is an opportunity to grow individually and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. But what it shouldn’t be, is something that completely shuts you off from the idea of love. Something I’ve noticed, especially on Instagram or Tiktok, is that people will say they’re done trying or that maybe love isn’t for them. I used to be someone who would repost those videos, dramatic, I know. But I realized that was a horrible way of perceiving love. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean love is unattainable for you, nor does it mean you aren’t worthy of love. Romance isn’t this universal concept that looks the same for everyone, but it’s always around and ever-changing.Â
“Love actually is all around.” -Hugh Grant: Love, ActuallyÂ
This is something that I truly, truly believe in. And it doesn’t have to always be some grand gesture like in the movies. I’ve seen that love is especially found in the quietness; in the comfortable silence on the phone with someone while you do homework on opposite ends; in the inside jokes that you forget about until someone brings it up again; and it’s in the act of remembering someone’s coffee order or what their favorite things are. There are so many little representations of love that go unnoticed because people are too focused on getting flowers or expensive presents or all these high standards. This doesn’t have to be a romantic type of love either. Some of the sweetest demonstrations of love I’ve seen are completely platonic. My friends and I can go weeks without seeing each other and when we finally do, it’s as if no time has passed between the last hangout and now.Â
Society loves to tell us what adoration should look like. All of these insanely high expectations and random icks. What a green flag should look like and what should be a red flag. Unfortunately, guys like Mr. Darcy or Benjamin Barry just don’t exist in real life. It’s exhausting constantly trying to stay up to date with all these criteria that change every two weeks. Love doesn’t necessarily have to be this long commitment either. A lot of times, things that are special to us don’t really last long at all.Â
Above all else, you should be infatuated with yourself, in a humble way. If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect to love someone else? People are so incredibly hard on themselves today. And it doesn’t help that people say whatever they want to behind a social media profile. It’s okay to not look like celebrities, and they have tons of money to help alleviate their appearance anyway. Before you should even start looking to find your life partner, you have to look inwards and be okay with who you are.Â
And if you’re still skeptical or don’t think you’ve noticed any signs of devotion anywhere, be the love that you aren’t seeing!