Reality TV is known for its intense and dramatic fights. Iconic moments have been born from these shows like Kim Kardashian’s famous scene where she says “Don’t be fucking rude” to her sister Khloe Kardashian while hitting her with a purse in Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Some may have their reservations about reality TV because they believe the shows are selling a false image of authenticity and relatability when they are actually dramatized through editing techniques or even scripted scenes.
However, I have another theory about why these fights do not feel relatable to many. In my own experience, a lot of my girl friends consider themselves “nonconfrontational,” meaning they are someone who will likely avoid conflict at all costs. While it’s understandable that not everyone feels comfortable having an awkward conversation about their feelings, does avoiding conflict ever truly fix it? For me, I always can sense if there is suddenly a weird tension between me and a friend. Of course, you may not know exactly what your friend is upset about but someone else in the friend group has been confided in by that friend. Suddenly, you feel like an outsider in your own friend group. If this scenario feels like it was written based on your own life, maybe you should invest some time in watching reality TV. While reality TV is likely not being created as a masterclass on communication, it manages to show what frequent expression of our feelings with those around us can look like while also being equally entertaining.Â
One of my favorite and more recent reality TV shows, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, does not have an episode without conflict. In fact, the entire show exists due to a scandal between the show’s eventual cast that started on social media. Before The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives existed, the cast members were previously known for their TikTok’s where they would do dances and other trends. The cast of the show were facing rumors about being “swingers,” a practice extremely looked down upon within the Mormon community.
In the heat of these rumors, one of the most recognized cast members, Taylor Frankie Paul, started a livestream on TikTok and confirmed the rumor and other intimate details. Not long after Taylor confirmed the rumors, she and the others were given a reality TV show where fans now had a look into their friendships and marriages that they did not before. The first episode follows the aftermath in the women’s lives of having the swinger scandal exposed. Taylor sits down with fellow cast member Whitney Leavitt and Whitney explains that she fled to Hawaii with her family to escape the drama as well as to deal with her own marital issues. When the cameras weren’t rolling, Whitney did not speak to Taylor and instead completely left her hometown to avoid being in the heat of the conflict. While this is a respectable choice as Whitney explains she was being associated with the actions of all the Mormon wives despite having no actual involvement in the swinging, she didn’t verbalize this until she and Taylor were casted on their reality TV show.
While Whitney may have wanted to wait until the noise quieted down, she also may have done what many of us feel is more comfortable and completely avoided verbalizing her feelings. I think sometimes it feels like we don’t have to explain how we feel because it should be obvious to the other person based on their actions. However, even though the scandal being exposed was Taylor’s own doing, she was occupied dealing with the aftermath just as much as Whitney was. Having the conversation benefited both as Taylor knew exactly why Whitney had fled and was not speaking to her, and Whitney got to say her piece and renew her friendship with Taylor for the time being.
Vanderpump Rules is another fantastic watch and may be recognized as the starting point for the careers of well-known reality TV stars such as Ariana Madix and Stassi Schroeder. Vanderpump Rules takes place at SUR restaurant in Los Angeles owned by Lisa Vanderpump, hence the show’s name, who is also a main cast member. A classic fight from this show features Stassi Schroeder, my personal favorite Vanderpump Rules cast member, distancing herself from fellow cast member and former coworker Scheana Shay. Scheana allegedly was sharing a private video of Stassi that she did not want being shown or known about. At this point in time, Stassi had quit working at SUR while her best friend, Katie Maloney, and Scheana were both still employed there.
As Katie previously had a strained friendship with Scheana, she wanted to rekindle their friendship as they still had to see each other every day. Scheana invited Katie to her bachelorette party in Miami and Katie accepted the invite to show Scheana her commitment to their friendship. Naturally, Stassi was hurt and taken aback that her best friend was attending the bachelorette party of someone Stassi believed to have seriously wronged her. Ultimately, Stassi and Katie have a conversation about their differences, but while Stassi expected Katie to apologize, Katie stood by her decision. Katie was frequently referred to as Stassi’s follower, and many comments were made referring to Stassi’s sometimes controlling tendencies. Many would consider this fight the moment when that power imbalance died. Stassi and Katie’s friendship was fragmented until the following season, when Stassi apologized for not understanding where Katie was coming from. This fight made Stassi reflect on how she treated her closest friends and allowed Katie to realize that she sometimes will have to make decisions for her own good and not to please those around her. Katie and Stassi’s friendship still stands strong today with Katie even being Stassi’s maid of honor in 2022.
Watching both fights unfold felt incredibly relatable to my own life. While I haven’t had rumors about being a swinger circulating about me or bachelorette parties in Miami, the conflict itself felt like a scene from my own life put on the big screen. Having secrets exposed to unwanted people or wanting friends to show their loyalty to you by ignoring people who have wronged you are predicaments I feel most girls will find themselves in at least once. While people on reality TV are likely pushed to confront their significant others, friends, and family for the sake of our entertainment, it may only seem dramatic because many of us avoid confrontation at all costs.
What would we look like if we allowed ourselves to voice our honest feelings to those closest to us when they offend, insult, or hurt us? I don’t believe that confrontation is avoided by not saying or doing anything but rather resentment builds towards that person until it eventually comes out. To be fair, how would the person that affected you be expected to change their ways if they were never told what they’ve done? Arguments are not inherently bad and ours with our friends do not have to match the dramatics of those on TV. However, as frequently seen on TV, better boundaries and expectations can be established with more frequent communication. Getting older means growing wiser, not developing superpowers. Therefore, we should all stop expecting our friends to be mind-readers and instead initiate direct conversations.