When Did Confusion Become Part of Dating?
Oh, to be young and in love! Nope, not in love, but in a situationship! Situationships have
become this generation’s newest dating trend, but also, arguably, its newest epidemic. Whether it
is through TikTok storytimes, group chat debriefs or conversations with friends, it seems like
everyone has a situationship story to tell. But when did confusion become such a normal part of
dating?
According to The Attachment Project, “A situationship is a romantic or sexual connection that
acts like a relationship, such as spending time together, going on dates, and being intimate, but
lacks official labels, clear boundaries, or long-term commitment.” In other words, you are doing
everything a couple does, except actually being one.
Of course, not everyone is looking for a serious relationship, and there is absolutely nothing
wrong with casual dating when both people are on the same page. The problem begins when one
person wants something more while the other keeps things conveniently undefined. Somewhere
along the way, we have started treating this uncertainty as just another part of dating, almost as if
being confused about where you stand with someone is something you should expect.
The Romanticization of Bare Minimum BehaviourThe Romanticization of Bare Minimum
Behaviour
I think one of the biggest problems with situationships is how easily they can normalize
behaviour that we would probably never accept in an actual relationship. Think about it. Being
left on delivery for days, receiving a random “hey stranger” text after weeks of silence or
constantly trying to figure out whether someone is actually interested in you. Somehow, these
experiences have become almost funny, something we share with our friends and laugh about
rather than question.
Social media has definitely played a role in this. We see countless videos joking about mixed
signals, emotionally unavailable people and the never-ending talking stage. While some of it is
entertaining, I think we sometimes forget that these situations can genuinely affect how people
view themselves and what they believe they deserve.
There is also this idea that commitment is somehow intimidating or that putting a label on a
relationship automatically means making it public. As if becoming official means you now have
to post each other, share every detail online and perform your relationship for everyone to see.
But a relationship does not have to be public to be meaningful. And if you think about it, a
situationship is still a label in its own way. It just happens to be one that leaves a lot of room for
uncertainty.
The Infamous “What Are We?” Conversation
I think we have all heard someone say they do not want to ask “what are we?” because they are
scared of seeming too attached or pushing the other person away. But why has wanting clarity
become something we feel embarrassed about?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to know where you stand with someone. You should not
have to convince someone to communicate with you, wonder whether they are seeing other
people or constantly second-guess your place in their life. And while everyone has different
expectations when it comes to dating, being honest about those expectations should be the bare
minimum.
You cannot expect relationship privileges while avoiding relationship responsibilities. If you
want someone’s time, attention and emotional investment, you also need to consider their
feelings. Keeping someone around because you enjoy their company while knowing they want
something different is not fair to them.
Maybe We Should Bring Back a Little Intention
I am not saying that everyone needs to rush into a relationship or that casual dating is inherently
unhealthy. Dating should be fun, and people should be able to explore what they want without
feeling pressured into commitment. But there is a difference between keeping things casual and
being careless with someone else’s feelings.
I think we could all benefit from being a little more intentional about how we approach dating.
Be honest about what you want, communicate when something changes and do not make
someone feel like they are asking for too much simply because they want clarity.
At the end of the day, you deserve to enjoy getting to know someone without constantly
questioning whether they actually like you. Dating does not have to be complicated, and it
certainly should not leave you feeling like you are trying to solve a mystery.
So, maybe it is time we stop romanticizing the situationship and start asking ourselves why we
have become so comfortable accepting uncertainty. You can be young, have fun and enjoy dating
without settling for mixed signals. And if we are going to keep talking about situationships, let’s
start talking about what we actually deserve, too.