The Art of Not Apologizing as a Woman

Reflecting on this past year, I realize that I have stopped saying the word “sorry.” I have no idea when I stopped using the word that was constantly in my vocabulary, but I do know that it felt good to not have to apologize every 30 seconds. However, old habits die hard, and apologizing when there is no “real” reason to apologize is something that I still struggle with. 

Part of the struggle of feeling the need to constantly apologize is due to the misogyny that women have to deal with as we find ourselves saying sorry for simply existing. I used to always say “sorry” for replying late to a text, while I waited days for a guy to text me back only to say the word “ok.” 

Even in professional emails, some women have a habit of using exclamation points, as the thought of using a simple period would feel rude. The idea behind this is that we don’t want to feel like an intrusion, so instead, we apologize for “bothering” them even though there is no need to do so. Some might say, “why don’t you just stop saying sorry?” As simple as that may sound, our brains have become accustomed to apologizing. If you consistently say or do something, then it becomes a habit, meaning it’ll be harder to break out of.

The important thing to note when you want to stop saying sorry is to understand what exactly you are saying sorry for. If you find yourself feeling the need to apologize for canceling plans, consider the reason behind the cancellation. What one considers a valid reason for canceling plans is different for every person. If you feel as though there is no need to apologize, then that’s all that matters. 

The same thing applies when it comes to being late to work or calling out of work. If you feel that you have a real and valid reason for calling out of work, then that’s okay. Even if it doesn’t seem like a real or valid reason, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is you. Never apologize for focusing on yourself.   

Once you break out of the habit of constantly apologizing, you’ll see the art behind it. Speaking from experience, apologizing only for the reasons I feel the need to apologize has boosted my confidence. You’ll feel bolder and at ease as find yourself being more comfortable with not having to say sorry every 30 seconds. 

• feminism
• sorry not sorry
• women empowerment
• Women's History Month