“Just let it go.” “It’s not that deep.” Phrases we’ve all heard before.Â
Your friend upsets you, you brush it off, and you tell yourself it’s not worth making things awkward. Of course, it seems easier to keep the peace than risk an uncomfortable conversation. But is it really? How many things can you keep letting slide before they start piling up?Â
Confrontation has a bad reputation: too aggressive, too direct, too heated. I think a lot of us associate it with arguments and falling-outs, which makes it understandable why we tend to avoid it. But most of the time, the things we choose not to talk about don’t just disappear.
That’s the irony of avoiding confrontation. It doesn’t just make everything okay. You might tell yourself you’ve moved on, but that doesn’t stop you from replaying the situation in your head or getting annoyed when something similar happens again. Small arguments turn into weeks of unspoken frustration. Then, people start talking behind each other’s backs, resentment begins to build, and eventually, friendships start to fall apart. It really doesn’t benefit either person to keep everything bottled up. I know this all too well.Â
Personally, I’ve always been more of a confrontational person. If something bothers me, I’m most likely going to bring it up rather than sit with it and let it bother me. I know it might not come naturally to everyone, and it might seem intimidating, but honestly, it’s benefited me more than I can explain. Some of the conversations I’ve dreaded having have ended up being the ones that cleared the air and made my friendships stronger.
I actually think confronting someone is a sign that you value having them in your life. If you didn’t care about the friendship, it would be much easier to quietly distance yourself and let things fall apart. Speaking up gives the other person a chance to understand where you’re coming from and allows both of you to work through the issue.
At one point, my friend group had started growing apart, and I think a lot of us had been holding onto things that we’d never really talked about. Eventually, we came together and decided to talk things out. Honestly, I can’t explain how much better we all felt afterward. A lot of the resentment we’d been holing onto finally came out, and we were able to understand each other’s perspectives. It felt like a weight had been lifted off all of our shoulders. Even though not every problem was solved, finally being able to hear each other out made such a difference. It showed me how much emotional weight we tend to carry without even noticing and how truly freeing it is to finally express it.Â
I think that’s where people get confrontation wrong. It doesn’t mean being aggressive or picking a fight. You can still be respectful and direct while telling someone they’ve hurt your feelings. It’s just being honest about something that’s been bothering you. And I really don’t think that’s something we should be so afraid of.