Let’s be honest. Having a crush is basically a full-time job. Unlike most jobs, there is no salary, no benefits, and absolutely no guarantee that your efforts are ever going to be acknowledged or appreciated.
It begins very innocently. Maybe you notice someone walking or in class. Maybe they’re friends with someone you know. Maybe they held a door for you once, and suddenly you’re convinced that this is your sign from the universe.
And just like that, you have a new hobby!
The research department: A deep dive into their instagram
Before we can establish whether there is any chance or potential, we need a lot of information.
And by information, I mean a thorough investigation of their Instagram. We’re talking scrolling past their current posts and going all the way through 2022, examining their tagged photos, and figuring out whether the girl in the comments is a sister, a cousin, or a potential threat to national security.
It’s not stalking. It’s market research.
Once you’ve gathered a good amount of information, you begin the next phase: posting an Instagram story.
Not because you want them to see it, you were going to post it anyways. But if they happen to watch it within the first hour? Well, that’s just interesting.
The Eye Contact Economy
There are very few things that are more exhilarating than accidental eye contact. One second you’re minding your business, and then the next you’re mentally replaying a two-second interaction as if it were the climax of a romantic comedy.
Did they smile? Was that a smile? Did they look away because they were nervous? Or because they were simply looking for the exit? The possibilities are endless.
It’s quite fascinating how one person can make you forget how to behave like a functioning human.
The Group Chat Board of Directors
No crush is complete without a board of directors.
Your best friends, naturally.
Every interaction becomes a brand-new breaking news of the day. They receive screenshots, voice notes, FaceTime calls, every last bit of an update, and the very detailed analysis of the conversations that maybe lasted for a minute.
“Wait, he said what?”
“Send me the screenshot.”
“Girl, I think he likes you.”
And suddenly, five people who have never spoken to this person are making executive decisions about your romantic future. Logic, by this point, has left the chat.
The Wardrobe Drama
You remember the outfit that you were planning to wear anyway?
Well, there’s a huge possibility that your crush might see you in it; the stakes are now extremely high.
You suddenly have five different outfits planned instead of just wearing your boring go-to sweats. You’re reconsidering your hair, and maybe the big hoop earrings are too much, or maybe they’re not good enough.
And the funny thing? You might not even see your crush.
But honestly, that’s beside the point.
Because sometimes getting dressed isn’t about impressing anyone. It’s more about being prepared for the possibility of a meet-cute that may or may not happen and you wanting it to be perfect. Of course, sometimes that perfect moment just doesn’t happen between your 11 a.m. lecture and your afternoon coffee.
The DElusion Department: Open 24/7
Perhaps the most exhausting part of having a crush is the continuous imagination.
A simple “hey” becomes a potential conversation. A conversation becomes a potential date. A date becomes a hypothetical relationship in which you have somehow already decided that you are going to spend Valentine’s Day together.
And then the reality hits. They haven’t texted. They haven’t liked your story, and they haven’t even acknowledged that you exist. So naturally, you begin drafting your emotional resignation letter.
But here’s the thing about having a crush: sometimes the fantasy is half the fun. It’s exciting to have someone to look forward to seeing, a little something to make an otherwise ordinary Tuesday feel somewhat interesting.
So, What’s the Final Verdict?
Maybe having a crush is a little ridiculous. Maybe we do overanalyze everything that then predicts our mood for the rest of the day or even the week.
But honestly, isn’t that part of the fun?
There’s something exciting about having a little crush, even if it goes terribly nowhere. And if they don’t like you back? Well, it’s their loss. And after all, a crush should be fun or even just another story to tell, not a full-time, unpaid job.