In The Vampire Diaries, we meet Elena Gilbert at 17 years old on the first day of her junior year of high school, just four months after the tragic car accident that killed both her parents. From the first episode, we encounter a young girl attempting to push through all-consuming grief while also trying to also be a good friend, help her younger brother, and get through high school. Enter the Salvatore brothers — two vampires both around 200 years old and completely obsessed with Elena. As the show goes on, more supernatural secrets are revealed, and more of her loved ones end up dead.
While that already sounds like great TV, and the show still has one of the largest fanbases out there, Elena herself is one of the most hated main characters of all time. If you type “Elena Gilbert” into any search engine, you will probably find YouTube videos titled “Elena Being a Pick-Me Girl for 9 Minutes and 30 Seconds” or Reddit threads discussing riveting topics like “10 Reasons Why I Hate Elena Gilbert.”
I feel the need to remind you that these are fan-made projects! These fans seem to share similar reasons for disliking her. The biggest problems seem to be her apparent narcissism and a frustration with her perpetual victimhood.
First, let’s tackle the idea that Elena is a narcissist. People seem especially frustrated by how much everything revolves around her, pointing out how other characters drop everything when she’s in danger. However, Elena is literally the main character, and the entire show is meant to revolve around her. Also, many of the show’s villains target her as a key part of their plans, so yes, protecting her and stopping them are important actions.
Additionally, she has a strong streak of self-sacrifice; she’s more than willing to put herself in the middle of the action to protect her friends. Elena’s empathy is a key part of her character — she cares deeply about her inner circle and does what she can to help her loved ones. Elena is no more selfish than any other teenager on the planet.
Another issue people seem to have is that she’s overly emotional. To that, I say: Yes, Elena is a very emotional character, but I don’t think there’s any world in which she could be too emotional. Let’s think about this: She loses her adoptive parents, her biological parents, her aunt and guardian, her aunt’s boyfriend-turned-guardian, her best friend and, last but not least, her younger brother. Let’s not forget that she watches nearly every person on this list die right in front of her. This would be enough to leave someone grieving for the rest of their life.
So yes, Elena cries, she screams, and she gets angry because she’s human. Instead of perceiving this as a weakness, if we put just in the smallest bit of effort to look at things more deeply, we can see that she possesses a sort of emotional strength that most other characters in the show lack.
I’m not saying she can do no wrong, and I’m not even saying she’s the best character on the show. I’m just saying that Elena Gilbert is held to an unfair standard. One of the best ways to understand the criticism of her character is to compare her with one of the male characters.
Damon Salvatore, the older brother and self-proclaimed psychopath, doesn’t receive even half the hate that she does. Damon actually displays many narcissistic traits. Despite being a fully grown man, he acts selfishly, disregarding the interests and lives of others. He repeatedly uses and abuses people like Bonnie and Jeremy for his own benefit, showing little concern for their safety. He also acts on his emotions constantly. When Elena rejects him after his confession of love, he kills her brother. But unlike Elena, Damon is a fandom darling who often seems able to do no wrong.
Watching this show with the perspective that its main character is an evil, annoying pick-me girl doesn’t make it any more enjoyable. So please, rethink why you hate Elena, and you may start to enjoy the show even more.