Edited by: Zaineb Sarang
When we were kids, we never spent any time on what anyone might think of us. We ran around without second-guessing ourselves, completely blind to the concept of judgment. We lived our lives without an audience.
But sometime during our teen years, it felt like someone flipped a master switch overnight and shoved us onto a stage.
Suddenly, without warning, a blinding, invisible spotlight snapped on and an unseen crowd was taking notes on how we walked, how we laughed and what we wore. From that moment on, being carefree and unbothered was something we had to rebuild.
Stepping into university–whether you are a first-year or in your last year–we like to believe this new environment will unleash a bolder, more profound version of ourselves. We imagine the dream version of who we hope to be: a woman who is accomplished in her field, comfortable in any room, unbothered by what others think, and free to live exactly the way she wants.
But a quiet subconscious fear of what others think of us drains the motivation and desire to become her.
Maybe this has happened to you, maybe it hasn’t, but I can personally recall countless moments and opportunities I could have pursued and chose not to, all because of a fear that turned out to be so tiny. The club we didn’t join, the question we didn’t ask in lecture, the person we didn’t introduce ourselves to: each one seems small, but together they add up to a version of university life we never got to live.
Here is what most people don’t realize: everyone else is just as terrified of that invisible spotlight as you are. The girl who seems effortlessly confident in the front row is probably wondering how she comes across, too.
Most people are so caught up in their own lives that they barely glance at yours. Once you understand this, the pressure starts to loosen.
And each time you push through the fear your mind learns something important: everything turned out okay after all. Little by little, the sun shines brighter and the flowers bloom more, because you begin to see that the spotlight was never real.
That imaginary audience was orchestrated by your fear of judgment and it stood between you and countless possibilities you were fully capable of reaching.
It feels almost like a superpower and it’s one you’ll never have to hide. When you’re truly confident in yourself and in what you do, you carry yourself with a lightness that others notice and admire. Confidence isn’t about being loud or having all the answers. It’s about showing up as yourself and trusting that this is enough.
So, how do you get there?
Start small.
Raise your hand once in a seminar. Strike up a conversation at the next event. Wear the outfit you love even if it feels bold. Say yes to the invitation you’d normally talk yourself out of, and sign up for that club even if you don’t know a single person in it.
These tiny acts build the muscle of self-trust, and every one of them proves that the world keeps turning when you take up space.
The next time you catch yourself thinking, “maybe I shouldn’t do this,” “maybe I shouldn’t try out for this team,” or “I’m too scared,” pause and reprogram that thought. Replace it with, “I’m not afraid to try” or, “I am only doing this for myself.” Once you establish this mindset, you’ll become more willing to put yourself out there and to do the things you never expected you would.
And on the days when it still feels hard, which it will, be gentle with yourself. Confidence isn’t a switch you flip once and keep forever. It’s a practice, and some days you’ll show up stronger than others. That’s part of being human.
Remember that life is not a race. It is a journey worth enjoying and we shouldn’t let the thoughts of others interfere with what we can accomplish. You were once a girl who ran around without an audience and she’s still in you. Go find her.