Content warning: This article discusses topics surrounding sexual assault and rape.
In light of recent news surrounding the Cornell University gang rape allegations, many people in our nation have come together in a fight for accountability and justice. As conversations about sexual violence resurface, many find themselves questioning how this crime continues to happen. According to RAINN, “800+ people experience sexual assault every day in the U.S.” Additionally, “1 in 8 students experiences sexual violence during college.”
Why is sexual violence so prevalent?
When so many of us know someone who has experienced some form of sexual violence, I can’t help but question why is there no reform? While we condemn sexual violence, especially when such heinous cases come to light, I ask myself: is that really enough?
In my opinion, we often forget to acknowledge a crucial part of the conversation: that rape culture that allows this crime to exist and persist. Just as systemic failures play a role in allowing sexual violence to occur, I believe so does the everyday actions and attitudes of our society that normalize harmful behaviors.
So, What Exactly is Rape Culture?
I think that the most mundane things, ones that are so deeply normalized in our everyday life, can help create and sustain the foundations of rape culture. Let’s think of it like an inverted triangle. At the narrowest point of the triangle are the seemingly small things we tend to dismiss without a second thought. These include locker room talk, inappropriate jokes, degrading comments, and the objectification of others’ bodies.
I feel like the culture grows bigger and becomes more deeply embedded in society every time we comment on someone’s clothes, use words like slut and whore to shame others, and use someone’s body for commentary. These are the types of remarks that we brush off as humor, and we let go because speaking up feels uncomfortable.
After all, in my opinion, who wants to be called a buzzkill for calling something out?
In the grand scheme of things, these actions might seem quite insignificant. One may wonder how much harm one comment really causes? But I believe that as we move the triangle, these mundane actions pave the way for more harm.
I see this in victim-blaming, when survivors are questioned about what they were wearing or how much they had to drink. I see this in the way persistence after rejection is romanticized; harassment is dismissed as flirting, and phrases like “boys will be boys” in my opinion, are used to excuse coercive behavior. Additionally, I also see how people assume being in a relationship automatically grants someone access to another’s body.
Together, I feel like these behaviors culminate at the broadest end of the triangle where the actual violence occurs, where survivors are shamed and blamed, and perpetrators get to walk free. This is not to say that every inappropriate joke or comment directly leads to sexual violence. Instead, I believe it creates an environment where harmful mindsets go unchallenged, and the violation of boundaries is readily excused.
In my opinion, rape culture is not just about extreme invasion of someone’s body; it is also about the social norms that allow it. When we only speak up against sexual violence after a devastating case makes headlines, I feel that we then undermine the everyday actions that play as much of a part in the crime.
What Can We Do to Fight This in Our Everyday Lives?
To dismantle rape culture at its roots and bring about tangible societal change, I believe that we must question the behaviors that sustain it and challenge them in our everyday lives. There are a few ways we can all take action:
- Stop laughing at harmful jokes – When you hear an inappropriate joke, don’t laugh along. I know it’s easy to be silent because you don’t want to be the person who ruins the mood. But think about how you would feel if it was made about you. A simple question like “What’s funny about that?” or simply explaining why a comment is harmful is enough to challenge the behavior.
- Hold your friends and family accountable – I know that it can often be difficult to challenge someone you know and care about. But your position as a friend is what makes it even more impactful. Real friendship does not mean excusing harmful behavior; it means being honest with them when their actions hurt others and encouraging them to do better.
- Understand and respect consent – No always means no. Consent is not a formality or an obstacle to intimacy; it is a requirement. It is something that must be given freely and can be withdrawn at any time. Being under the influence, in a relationship with someone, flirting with them, or having consented to something in the past, none of this entitles anyone to their body.
- Stop victim-blaming – In my opinion, rape is society’s problem, not a victim’s. When someone discloses an experience of sexual violence, questions about what they were wearing or drinking can shift the focus away from the perpetrator responsible for the harm onto the victim. I feel that survivors should never have to justify their actions to deserve compassion.
- Be an active bystander – I think one of the most active ways to fight this culture is by acting when we witness harmful behavior. When you see someone in a dangerous situation, find a safe way to intervene even if you’re not sure if they need help. Step in using strategies like pretending to know them. There is a chance that person may not have needed help, but it is miles better to be safe than sorry.
In my opinion, it is long overdue for survivors to receive the systemic accountability, support, and justice they deserve. But we cannot expect institutions to fix this whole problem without acknowledging the behaviors we reinforce in our own lives.
I believe that systemic reform is a must, but real change cannot be achieved unless we change our mindsets themselves. Change, in its essence, has always been collective, and it starts at the bottom of the chain.
So, to fight this deeply rooted rape culture, I believe that we all must come to challenge harmful behaviors, respect boundaries, and stop excusing actions that should never have been normalized in the first place. If you’re reading this, I think that you should start advocating for change when you spot harmful behaviors, even within your friends and family.
Your small efforts lay the groundwork for greater reform. Together, our voices are stronger and only we can build the change we want to see.