Before you start reading: Put on “Silver Jubilee” by Audrey Hobert. (A soundtrack for self-discovery.)
If you’d asked anyone who knew me in high school to describe my personality, I can almost guarantee the word “introverted” wouldn’t have made the list.
I was loud, talkative, and friends with just about everyone. From theater kids to athletes, I somehow always found someone to talk to. So imagine my surprise when every year, a personality test would insist I was an introvert: INFP-T.
Now, if those five letters look more like some sort of secret code than a personality type, let me introduce you to the 16Personalities test. This popular online test categorizes people into 16 different personality types based on their answers to a series of questions about their preferences, tendencies and behaviors. According to its website, it takes just 10 minutes to receive a “freakishly accurate” description of who you are and why you do the things you do.
Apparently, my “freakishly accurate” personality had remained the same for years.Â
But to me and everyone who knew me, something about that result seemed a little off. The same girl who would burst into a classroom at 9 in the morning, loudly wishing everyone a good morning, was supposedly an introvert?
In high school, I was the girl teachers constantly had to move for talking too much, only for me to turn the quiet kid beside me into another chatterbox. The girl who was always first to befriend the new student, who could strike up a conversation with just about anyone, and who somehow always found a familiar face wherever she went.
For the longest time, I couldn’t understand how someone who seemed so outgoing could possibly be considered an introvert. That is, until I moved away for college.
Suddenly, I wasn’t the girl who knew someone in every classroom or had a familiar face waiting around every corner. I was surrounded by strangers, and for the first time, making friends felt like something I had to consciously figure out. I wasn’t meeting new people while surrounded by old friends anymore. I was doing it entirely on my own.
Looking back at myself in these new social situations, I honestly can’t help but laugh. I’d walk into a club general body meeting or a social mixer and somehow become the most awkward person on the planet. Suddenly, the girl who used to strike up a conversation with just about anyone is overthinking how to introduce herself.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m actually really cool. You just have to approach me first.
Thankfully, UF seems to have an endless supply of extroverts willing to do the social heavy lifting for both of us.
Looking back, I don’t think I was ever as extroverted as everyone thought I was. I’ve always struggled with social anxiety, whether that meant replaying conversations in my head or wondering if I’d embarrassed myself hours after everyone else had probably forgotten about it.Â
The funny thing is, I’ve always had the habits of an introvert. With a short social battery and a dislike for big crowds, I was practically a textbook introvert. As much as I love talking, starting conversations with people I didn’t know has always been anxiety-inducing. Even something as simple as ordering food at a cash register was enough to make me reach for the mobile ordering option instead. Yet, somehow, I’d spent years being labeled the loud, outgoing friend without ever questioning whether I actually identified with that description as much as everyone thought I did.
But in high school, I was surrounded by people I’d known for years. Even when I met someone new, I had the comfort of familiar faces around me. I wasn’t necessarily fearless when it came to making friends. I just had a sense of security that made putting myself out there a little easier.
Without that familiarity, I started to realize just how much energy and courage socializing had always required of me.
But I’ve also started to realize that being introverted doesn’t mean I’m any less capable of being the bubbly, talkative girl I was in high school. That part of me hasn’t disappeared just because I’m in a new environment. If anything, college has taught me that there’s a difference between being comfortable around people and being comfortable putting yourself out there.
And maybe that’s something we don’t talk about enough when it comes to starting college. There’s so much pressure to make friends immediately, to say yes to every invitation, and to somehow find your people within the first few weeks. But for some of us, building those connections takes a little more time, and that doesn’t mean we’re doing college wrong.
I’m still discovering how to navigate friendships without the familiarity I grew up with, and I’m learning that it’s fine to take things at my own pace. I don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to make meaningful connections, and I don’t have to act like someone entirely different to fit into a new environment.
So, maybe that personality test had a point all those years. Or maybe it just took moving somewhere new for me to finally understand the person I’d been all along.