For most of my life, I thought confidence meant being less shy. I imagined that, eventually, I would become someone who could walk into a room full of strangers and feel completely comfortable. I thought confidence meant never overthinking plans or wondering if I would fit in. Freshman year taught me that I wasn’t going to magically become that person.
I’ve always had friends, but I’ve also always wished I had more. I wanted to be better at meeting people and making connections, but I didn’t always know how. I would get invited somewhere and immediately start thinking of reasons not to go; staying home felt easier than putting myself somewhere unfamiliar.
Then, during a really difficult time in my life, my roommate invited me to go out with some friends—going out was probably the last thing I felt like doing. I had so much going on in my head that it was hard to imagine actually having a good time. Sometimes, when you’re dealing with a lot, even being around people you love can feel difficult because your mind is somewhere else.
But I said yes.
I didn’t have to think about whether I would have fun with my friends, nor figure out what to say or how I was supposed to act; I just had to show up. Once I did, I found myself laughing and enjoying being around people I cared about. For a little while, I wasn’t thinking about everything that had been weighing on me.
That night became one of the most memorable parts of my college experience—not because anything huge happened, but because it felt like the beginning of a change in me. It was a small break in a cycle I had been stuck in for a long time.
After that, I started saying yes more often. I went to places I hadn’t been before. I talked to people I didn’t know. I made new friends and became closer with people I already cared about. Eventually, saying yes stopped feeling like such a big decision.
My roommate helped me realize that confidence doesn’t always come before you do something. Sometimes it comes from doing something while you’re still nervous and realizing that you were capable of it after all.
Saying yes hasn’t made me less shy. I still overthink. I still have moments when I would rather stay home. But what has changed is that I don’t always let those feelings make the decision for me.
I’ve started asking myself whether I actually don’t want to do something or whether I’m just afraid of doing something unfamiliar. There’s a difference between protecting your peace and protecting yourself from experiences that might change you.
The art of saying yes to plans isn’t about forcing yourself to go everywhere or become someone you’re not. For me, it’s about being willing to show up. Sometimes you don’t know what a night will mean to you until you’re already living it.
I used to think I needed to become more confident before I could put myself out there. Now I think confidence is something you build by showing up, even when you’re nervous.
Sometimes, all it takes is one yes to break a cycle you didn’t realize you were ready to leave behind.