Often Iâve been criticised, usually by my parents, for my habit of constantly using the word âlikeâ to fill every space in every sentence. Itâs something Iâve struggled with, and am still struggling with to shake, and is an awkward tendency Iâm certain many girls my age can sympathise with. This seems to be a pattern amongst women my age though, and often in media I see this mimicked and mocked. See the cult classic, and one of my personal favourites, Clueless (1995). Cherâs comedically satirical narration and dialogue exhibits a ridiculous frequency of the word, even in the first line of the film. But this habit isnât a coincidence of girlish in-articulation. It can, and has been, explained by linguists as one of many patterns pervading womenâs speech. These patterns arenât inconsequential, either, they work in a way which softens our expressions and weakens our opinion, invalidating so much of what we say.
The filler word âlike’, which makes womenâs speech appear hesitant and thus invalid, is again just one example. On top of creating hesitance, it loosens meaning, ensuring the female speaker doesnât really commit to what sheâs saying, creating ample opportunity to be contested by someone else. Robin Lakoffâs crucial, albeit quite ironically not uncontested, 1975 work explains this further. Lakoff describes how women tend to use language such as tag questions and hedges more frequently. Tag questions are short phrases like âisnât it?â or âwill youâ added to the end of a statement to turn something into a question, usually attaching the same auxiliary verb as the main sentence onto the end. This could be considered a predominantly female habit, and, generally unwittingly by the speaker, functions to find reassurance or confirmation. This weakens a point, and relies upon someone else to make a statement.
Hedges function in a similar way, attaching words like âkindaâ or âprobablyâ and phrases like âsort ofâ to soften a statement. ‘Like’ is considered what linguists call a discourse particle, though that works in the same way as a hedge too. The key bit is that itâs so subtle in the way that it demeans what we as women are saying, so our reluctance and in-articulation seems to be more of a personal trait, rather than a habit we are likely socialised into. Think again of Cher from Clueless, who is actually a really intelligent girl, but is constantly doubted by her peers, and assumed to be a bit of an airhead, despite the validity of her points. She may be a fictional example, but she represents the constant inquisition of womenâs words.
So, whilst I donât intend to chastise in the same way my parents might kindly do to me, I think itâs important we work against these habits, and have more courage in the things we say as women. But, contrary to mainstream media, Iâm not asking this of you to criticise incorrect grammar. Rejecting these habits and working against them more consciously can bring more power to what we say, especially in spaces where our voices and our words are more likely to be demeaned or ignored. So, next time you go to work, or find yourself in a discussion in a seminar, you might consider dropping the word âlikeâ (and those other not-so incidental habits) and see if it, like, makes a difference.
Lakoff, R.T. and Bucholtz, M. (1972) Language and Womanâs Place: Text and Commentaries. New York: Harper & Row.