I am, and always have been, a chronic “People Pleaser.” A label I am not proud of, but have come to terms with over the years. This issue challenged my strength as a child, and it’s only now, as an adult, that I’m learning the ways to overcome this pattern.
If I could go back in time, I would give my younger self a big hug, and these specific words of wisdom.
Your words matter, take yourself out of situations that make you feel less than
As a young person, all you want to do is make friends. As a people pleaser, this act is taken to the furthest extreme. If people talk and expect you to listen, but check out, or change the topic back to them when you talk, they aren’t your friends. A people pleaser would typically accept this asymmetrical relationship because they want the person to like them, but I am here to tell you, run! You deserve friendships that are mutually appreciative. There are so many people that will hang onto every word you say, grateful for your friendship. Please take yourself out of situations that don’t value you and find ones that do. The world is wide, you don’t need to stay with ungrateful people!
It is okay to say no
It’s okay to say no when a boy, who you don’t like and kind of creeps you out, asks you to hang out after the middle school dance.
It’s okay to say no when a girl at your lunch table asks for your special pack of Oreos every. single. day.
It’s okay to say no when everyone in your 6th period history group asks you to handle the project all by yourself.
It is okay to say no. You don’t owe people anything. Stand true to your values, follow your heart, and don’t let the fear of being disliked determine how you live your life. Love and acceptance does not need to be earned, so it is okay to not do everything that everyone wants from you. If they truly appreciated you, they wouldn’t misuse your friendship.
Take ‘sorry’ out of your vocabulary
There is no need to apologize for taking up space. Refrain from automatically saying ‘sorry’ when someone else bumps into you. Your nervous system is trying to make you shrink and mediate the situation, but it’s important that you harness your self-confidence and own your place.
not everything has to do with you
This may sound harsh, but it is said with nothing but love. The world is not sitting on your shoulders. Nobody expects you to solve every problem and make everyone happy. Allow yourself to find comfort in the fact that some things have nothing to do with you. Sometimes, people are simply having a bad day, and it is not your obligation to feel the burden of their pain, nor is it your job to find a solution to their problems.
This advice does not only apply to my younger, people-pleasing self. It can, and should, be heard by all (regardless of age) who fall victim to the people-pleasing mindset. Remember your worth and start living for yourself.
