It was 7 am on a Wednesday when I decided to download Hinge. Within an hour of downloading the app, my notifications were flooded by 28-year-old men. By hour three, I had stumbled upon some questionable profiles. By the end of day one, I had been asked on multiple dates and found one too many profiles of people I knew in real life. And when I told my friends I had downloaded a dating app, I received reactions that ranged from support to concern. Regardless, I started swiping my way through various profiles, reading each prompt and response. Some people respond to these prompts thoughtfully, while others decide to showcase their personalities.
A life goal of mine:
- to live life like a nepo baby
- be able to overcome 5mg edibles
- climb a greased pole after an Eagles win
What if I told you:
I was a leash kid
My simple pleasures:
- playing geoguesser high
- bullying you
- feminist literature and yoga with my home girls
- beer
You might be judging me, thinking I’m looking for hookups or desperate for a man, and that’s what some of my friends proposed. But my motivation for downloading Hinge was actually unrelated to my own love life. Rather, my intention was to investigate what kind of people I would find, and test if they would live up to the dating app stigma, or surprise me.
I go crazy for:
- slightly autistic women
- eating it (I cook good)
- someone who tells me exactly what is wrong with them so I know what I’m getting into
- maladaptive daydreaming
- you
Green flags I look for:
- I think I actually only like the red ones… but idk just tell me i’m hot
Together, we could:
- talk about why this is you’re third time on this app
- build a mega fort and sneak in cheese cubes every now and then
- go to different bars and I’ll fake propose to you so we can get free drinks’
The stigma surrounding dating apps is rooted in our society’s hatred of women. Men are patted on the back for an unlimited supply of hookups while women are called desperate or spoken down to for sexualizing themselves. Boys might get some pushback from their friends for being a ‘hinge warrior’, but mostly they are gifted bragging rights for getting play. At the same time they are getting praised, women are being judged and name called. Men utilize derogatory language towards women, calling them whores, sluts, skanks, and even turn women against one another, judging others for ‘revolving their life around male approval.’ How dare a woman be talking to multiple people at the same time, even though men are doing the exact same thing? How dare she want a relationship when he’s only looking for a hookup? Why would she agree to go on a date if she wasn’t going to hook up with him? And heaven forbid if she, too, is only looking for a casual encounter…
In addition to these unique responses, I accidentally found:
- My TA
- The guy who took my friend on her first ever date
- The president of a club I’m actively involved in
- My friend’s toxic ex
- Two people from my 20 person class
- A weird guy from my freshman year orientation group
- My grandma’s best friend’s grandchild
More than these slightly awkward reveals, what I found within the digital landscape of the dating app was old men trying to ask a 19-year-old girl on a date, boys flexing in the mirror, pictures of their hickey-covered necks, and some very strange responses to the prompts provided by the app.
I want someone who:
- will rarely cheat on me
My greatest strength:
- my instagram fyp is elite
- abs
- having a costco membership
- losing in poker
- deadlift for sure
- hitting the geek bar with my toes
Do you agree or disagree that:
- going the speed limit in the left lane should be punishable by death
I stumbled upon profiles with so many different types of people. From college athletes to borderline furries – I guess you could say that there’s someone for everyone. One profile contained three selfies showcasing the same angle of a terrifyingly blank expression. Two different friends of friends liked my profile, which was a bit awkward considering I had met both on occasion through our mutuals. Some guys didn’t even include photos of themselves. They had pictures of their backs, their dogs, or the sunset, but not a single photo where you could actually see who they were. I got asked to go on a date by a man who turns 24 in less than a month, and found a profile whose main photo was him wearing a Pink Whitney hockey jersey (I support).
My therapist would say I:
- have mother issues with the symptoms of father issues
Dating me is like:
- chasing a dog
- how it feels when you sneeze while driving
- breaking the seal after drinking like 5 beers
A boundary of mine is:
- asking me to share my food when you said you weren’t hungry
I got asked for my phone number by two guys I had been chatting with and then spent 24 hours confused as to why they would ask if they didn’t plan to use it. Another guy’s profile contained a meme that read “How life feels after ruining a baddie’s day by liking her on Hinge.” There was even one profile of a howler monkey with pronouns “em/fae”; the job title was “banana taste tester at banana factory”; and the prompt and response were “this year, I really want to eat more ticks off my sister.”
My most irrational fear:
- you, probably
- my sister and the San Andreas fault line
- succumbing to my intrusive thoughts
- dating apps
- whales. saw one on a cruise as a kid and lowkey almost passed out from fright
- the rjs bouncer
We’re the same type of weird if:
- you use LinkedIn more than any other app on your phone
Unusual skill:
- lowballing on Facebook marketplace
- weaponized incompetence
- I can fix your car and your attitude
I’m not sure what I expected to find when I entered the digital dating world, but I did not expect to be so entertained and disturbed. I’ve yet to decide if I’ll actually follow through and go on a date with any of the guys, but I guess we’ll find out. For the plot? I just might have to.