Edited by: Sanya Shah
As someone who spends an immense amount of time in my thoughts, hoping to make sense of who I am becoming, it’s funny that I feel most like myself around the people who knew me before I even started trying. To have the privilege of being known through every version of myself means that I don’t have to explain who I am, who I used to be, or who I am becoming. I can simply exist.
I was reminded of this recently, after spending a weekend with the 2 girls who have seen me through every awkward phase, shift in my personality, heartbreak, and milestones that range from placing our latest retail therapy orders to landing our first dream jobs.
Amid the chaos of university and the constant pressure to have everything figured out, I hadn’t realized how much I needed to be around the people who made me feel so effortlessly like myself.
For as long as I can remember, we’ve been inseparable. Whether it’s gravitating towards each other in a room full of people, knowing what each other needs through a single look or sigh, or meeting new people who are quickly warned, “They’re always like this,” the sense of familiarity I am filled with will never be able to put fully into words.
Maybe the reason time feels like it stops when we’re together is that, in some ways, it does.
As we’re all on the brink of adulthood, we don’t have the luxury to see each other every day as we did once; schedules are difficult to line up, and it can be months playing the waiting game without properly catching up. Yet somehow, the moment we reunite, the distance doesn’t seem to matter; it’s as though we’re getting the chance to step outside the seriousness that comes with adulthood, reconnecting with parts of ourselves we never really left.
As time passes us by, it becomes clear that we grow with it. Somewhere along the way, the worry we had for the smallest inconveniences in our teenage life shifted to having to navigate our university life, relationships, careers, and the terrifying realization that we’re actually growing up.
All the same, put the three of us in a room, and suddenly, all the maturity ceases to exist. We’re laughing at the same jokes that stopped being funny years ago (not to us), beating the dead horse, and bringing up stories we’ve recounted more times than any of us could remember. Forever acting as the same girls who once had nothing better to do but spend hours together doing absolutely nothing; we’ve never had to change who we are with each other.
Yet beneath all the laughter and delusional shared moments, sincerity lies in the concept of not necessarily having to be reminded of who you once were, but rather understanding how much they’ve shaped who you are today.
University has a way of convincing us to measure our lives through the assignments we complete, grades we achieve, or academic goals we accomplish; I believe the most meaningful moments are the ones that have absolutely nothing to do with productivity. If my friends are truly a reflection of me, no scale of measure could depict how grateful I am to be reflected in such beautiful people. I can only hope I’ve become half the people they are.
I went into that weekend thinking I was merely making up for lost time with the people I missed. I left realizing how much of myself I’d been neglecting in the process of trying to keep up with everything else. As our moments spent together came to an end, I had a bittersweet feeling, one that I am no stranger to, wishing we could have just one more minute in the escape from reality, knowing it’ll be a while before I experienced this bliss again.
Although nothing about my responsibilities had changed, I left feeling strangely more capable of handling everything waiting for me. Feeling lighter, grounded and a lot more like myself than ever.
And even though our parents continue to take credit for our friendship (being neighbours before we were even born), what makes our bond so special goes beyond having known each other for so long. My friends are so deeply intertwined with my identity; anyone who knows me knows them, and as we continue to grow together, I am humbled to experience the distinction between being known for a lifetime and being continuously chosen throughout that time.
I cannot think of a greater privilege than getting to grow up alongside people who continue to choose me, just as I will always choose them.