When your heart’s on your sleeve
When I think about situationships, I think about all the what-ifs and how easy it is to romanticize someone you never actually dated.
A situationship is when two people are together but haven’t defined their relationship or made it official. These can last for months or even years, and often, one person ends up liking the other more.
Just like the seasons change, how your situationship feels about you can change, too. Here’s how I would describe what being in a situationship feels like, and how I’d make my playlist for it.
When everything is new and exciting:
1. “The Only Exception” by Paramore
When I think about the start of a situationship, I remember how giddy you feel and the happiness that comes with liking someone new. “The Only Exception” can mean different things to different people, but as a hopeless romantic with avoidant tendencies, the lyrics: “Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception,” capture the feeling perfectly. It’s about letting your guard down for someone, even after believing that loving someone always leads to getting hurt, and then meeting someone who feels worth the risk.
2. “4ME 4ME” by Malcolm Todd
Another common experience at the start of a situationship is imagining what a real relationship could be like and letting your crush take over your thoughts. Malcolm Todd’s song “4ME 4ME” captures this feeling in the lyrics: “I miss you so persistently, I lose my head, then I see you, and I lose it again.” These words show what it’s like to always think about someone and miss them when you’re not together. At this stage, you still see everything in a positive light and look forward to the excitement of being around them and learning more about them.
When You’re Confused:
3. “The Feeling” by Steve Lacy
I like to call this the doom and despair stage of a situationship. By this time, it might be two to three months of constantly texting and hanging out, but not knowing where you stand with the other person. When you are in emotional limbo, not knowing where the relationship is headed. The lyrics, ‘’ When your heart’s on your sleeve but it don’t even matter, when you’re only a friend, don’t it just make you sadder.’’ Because you have not defined the relationship, you find yourself wondering if you are only friends and if it was all in your head. You are being open and honest about your feelings, but the other person is ignoring or dismissing them and not showing you how they feel, so you’re left confused, wondering what you guys are.
4. “Chasing Pavements” by Adele
Not only is this stage the most confusing, it is also exhausting. Constantly reading in between the lines of texts and conversations you have. It’s the dilemma of wondering if you are delusional or if you just need to be patient and hope for the best. The lyrics, ‘’ Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere.’’ Situationships have a funny way of making you make excuses for the other person, leaving you yearning, hoping it will lead to a relationship.
WHEN THEY LIKE YOU, BUT NOT ENOUGH TO BE WITH YOU:
5. “Nothing” by Steve Lacy
The hardest part about ending a situationship is that you rarely get closure. Since you never officially dated, you might still hold on to hope. The lyrics, “I’m still excited even though it’s one-sided, I think we could’ve been something, Maybe it’s just timing,” really capture what it feels like to still care about someone, even if nothing happened. Even when it’s one-sided, you miss them and wonder what could have been. You end up mourning a relationship that never actually existed. Sometimes, blaming timing is just a way to make sense of all the time and effort you gave to someone who didn’t feel the same. It keeps that hope alive.
6. “Lover, You Should’ve Come Over” by Jeff Buckley
To wrap up your playlist of doom and despair, it only makes sense to finish with Jeff Buckley. This song can be interpreted in so many ways, but when it comes to a situationship, it really shows the longing and uncertainty that come after things end. Like I said before, these things rarely end with closure. The lyrics, “it’s never over,” describe the endless cycle that can happen after a situationship, where you keep finding each other, but one person is never quite ready. The line, “How long will I wait for you,” speaks to the person who ends up waiting, hoping the other will regret letting them go. There’s a real sense of yearning and pain in being so emotionally close yet still unable to fully commit.
Maybe that’s why it’s so tough to get over situationships. You keep thinking about what might have happened if things had worked out differently, and you hold on to memories that never really became anything more. Even when you want to move on, the uncertainty makes it easy to look back and see the whole thing in a romantic light. If you ever end up in a situationship, remember there’s probably a song for every part of it. And if nothing else helps, you can always make a playlist about it.