Happy Banned Books Week and National Coming Out Day (weekend)! One thing about me is I will cause a stir.
I spent too many years because described as quiet by my teachers to not be the outspoken person I am today. I have years of pent-up thoughts left otherwise unshared, some of which relate to my identity as a queer woman.
I was pretty early to the game of knowing my identity and as a middle schooler, I was quietly out to my friends. It was more of a please ask, but never tell anyone sort of situation, rather than me flying my flag high, but alas.
One thing that has remained a constant throughout all of my life has been banned literature. There is nothing that grinds my gears more than knowing a student is unable to access essential knowledge. I am not here to parent anyone’s child as I, myself, am still quite young and I certainly do not have the merits to be a parental figure. However, I still feel empathy toward the kids that are engaging with their identity and trying to understand if there’s anyone else who feels the way they do.
I have always been an avid reader, which meant my reading level was particularly high at a young age. I’m not saying this in any way to brag, but to acknowledge the fact I was uninterested in “children’s” books by the time I was 10. This meant I was diving into a whole new realm of young adult literature.
I was raised around folks who were challenged by the changing norms of educating your kid about modern social issues, which meant when I started to read YA books, I was surprised to learn about, *gasp*, gay and transgender characters. Something about these books resonated with me in a way that I could not quite pinpoint or explain to another person for fear that I would be scolded.
For me, I learned about what the Catholic Church believed through books, not through my weekly religious education classes. I learned that members of the Catholic Church sometimes feel challenged by the LGBTQIA+ community’s presence, but I also learned that I was not the only Catholic queer kid.
Books were a lifeline for me. Whether it was Star Crossed by Barbara Dee or Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo, much of my library was filled with banned books. I didn’t tell my parents these books were banned, and I only shared the content when asked by my mom. I was fearful of how it would be received.
I have always had a heart for young readers, especially those like myself who needed engaging reads to continue their love for reading. I cannot imagine a world where my favorite books were not challenged. In a perfect world, I would’ve been able to read these without parental permission, but I have enormous gratitude for the freedom or “freadom” that I was given to read whatever I wanted.
This Banned Books Week was especially impactful for me, as my Sociology of Education class this semester includes giving a presentation on a banned book. My choice was This One Summer by Jillian and Mariko Tamaki. This book was the first I ever took out of my middle school/high school library. It required a signed parents’ note that allowed me to take out any books that I wanted in the future.
I have an incredible amount of gratitude for all of the librarians who guided me on my path. Every single teacher I’ve had, especially my elementary school teachers, gave me the opportunity to read as I pleased. Despite growing up in an otherwise small and relatively conservative town, we did well for ourselves in this way.
Throughout the years, I find myself taking less time to explain my queer identity (we’ve been there and done that), and more time on what led me to where I am today. I often consider how far I’ve come after all these years and the ways I always felt welcomed into a book, even when it didn’t feel like a physical space was my own.
This week was what I call a “banger after banger after banger” kind of week. Not only was it full of busy agendas and full days, but it kicked off with SBU’s Coming Out Day celebration, followed by my class that addressed yet another banned book (All Boys Aren’t Blue by George M. Johnson), and closed with International Lesbian Day!
This week was mine. I know it sounds silly, but I’ll take every win I can get when it feels like so much is challenged by current policies. None of these policies went away, and it wasn’t like I could sigh out completely, but it was a good start.
Happy Banned Books Week and happy National Coming Out Day to all those who celebrate! As a reminder, keep fighting the good fight and know that when it’s your time to come out, you won’t ever feel fully ready, but it often is a weight off your shoulders. Let go of that load and take a breath—the world is your oyster.