Lizzy McAlpine’s fourth studio album, Angel, was released just a few weeks ago on September 18th— and people are already creating narratives out of her lyrics for themselves. After creating the world of Five Seconds Flat, she shared that she felt disconnected from her music on that subsequent tour, prompting her to take time away to focus on other projects that nurtured her passions in more fulfilling ways. Her album Older took on an indie-folk voice, which she’s continued on Angel, but in that time between albums, she debuted on Broadway, and made her film debut. This return to music with Angel, has not only brought her back to her sound, but back to herself. This album is a look in the mirror. It has people, even me, confronting what others mean to them, and what they mean to others.
Throughout this album, Lizzy practices forgiveness, acceptance, devotion, and expresses her love. In conversations with herself, she reflects on her old and current relationships, and expands on what they mean to her as she grows through them. Lizzy has always been a very reflective artist, and it’s especially clear in her storytelling. Her past album, Older, took us through uncomfortable moments of life. Falling out of love, realizing your needs aren’t being met in real time, and grappling with the aftermath of different phases of your life ending. In Angel, she paints a picture song by song of what being in love has been like for her, what it’s been like relighting the fires of passions lost, all the ways she feels about it, in shades of gray– never black and white.
One of the songs that speaks to me the most is ‘The moon.’ I immediately resonated with this song because of that feeling that a lot of us find ourselves in– lost as an individual, and looking to your partner as if just the act of being with them will solve all of your problems. Which, I’ve learned the hard way– it never does. Feeling unfirm in your idea of yourself can never be resolved by another person. In fact, it can often lead to feeling even more unstable when they’re away. In my most recent relationship, I found myself performing in the hopes of being a perfect partner. If I was perfect, I would feel good about myself. Then I wouldn’t be received as perfect, and it was a horrible comedown revolving completely around someone else’s schedule, time, and capacity to love. If I’m being honest, that’s a feeling that stays with me even today, though I try to let my guard down and let myself hear what’s around me— an attempt to drown out my chronically distracting internal dialogue. Lizzy has this talent that allows her to storytell in a way that is unique to her, but resonates with others extremely deeply– a feeling I often feel while listening to her. See through and understood, my feelings put into words in ways I can’t understand. In this song, Lizzy begins the song by asking her partner,
“Lay on my pillow and be more than just a man /… /
Be somebody new, be two, be the desert sand / … /
More than just a body, something from within
Be a flashing light, be night, and let it begin”
Before even relaying the idea of her emotional surrender to someone else, following songs with themes of a reluctance of being taken advantage of for her material and emotional value, she asks her partner to transcend humanity for her. In asking him to be somebody new, maybe even two people! As deep as the sands and more than a body, a light in the darkness and something she can get lost in–into something he isnt– he becomes something she can use to justify this failure in her journey of independence and growth that she had committed to, but finds herself slipping away from the more she finds herself in his presence. She grows ever fonder, but in a way indebted to him, and as a result, we get this metaphor of her being ultimately no freer than the moon, which is constantly in orbit around the earth.
Later in the song, she sings about how she wishes she was the center of the relationship. Like she has the pull, an allure about her that leaves him constantly tripping over his feet over her, when it usually ends up following the opposite storyline.
‘I want to feel like I’m the center and you revolve around me
But I am only as strong as one girl can be (Can be)
I want to feel the strings are mine to pull
And you will do what I please
But with just one kiss, I am down on my knees
Saying, “How do you do this to me?’
She expresses the desire to be his everything, but finds her providing him this peace of mind after he provides her the easiest act of adoration. I think what is different about this song compared to the others is that she doesn’t necessarily place a negative connotation onto this, because if she had, then it take on a similar theme to ‘Anybody’s fool,’ which ruminates on the idea that her ex-partner was taking advantage of the love she had for him, and making her look and feel like a fool for being in love with him over and over again, until they finally end the relationship.
‘I know this is right, but it’s hard to explain
Want you to want me to want to change
I like the way it feels to not be anybody’s fool’
Instead of feeling like a fool in this new relationship, she expresses confidence that she is loved wholly. In ‘Anybody’s fool,’ she dabbles in sadness and regret in knowing that she needs her lover to be different, while knowing she is better off without the burden of wanting someone to change and become what she needs, which is, I think, a very important part in one’s journey to acceptance of the end of a relationship. In ‘The moon,’ she acknowledges the path she’s walking to self-determined happiness, and almost expresses guilt in allowing herself to find love when she was supposed to be on the path to her truest self– which is why she refers to herself as the moon. Songs like ‘I have a friend,’ and ‘Over country’ though, highlight this new relationship as one where she’s been able to get closer to the balance of being in love, and loving herself. These experiences she draws from have helped her grow, and her relationship is given odes as she feels her partner loves her because she’s a product of everything and everyone she’s ever loved, not despite it.
It’s quite clear that at the core of this album there is growth, which lands us at another song, ‘Peach.’ To me, ‘Peach’ is her declaration as to why she took a break in between releasing and performing traditional music, and needed to water her passions in the way that she did. ‘Peach’ tells me that this break showed her the beauty of slowing down, and the necessity of duality and knowing when you need a change in your life to keep you growing instead of stuck, especially in terms of your future.
‘A peach, a moment to love myself better
The hardest season to weather
I understand now that it was all for this’
Lizzy is an artist I’ve been listening to for over five years now. Having had her music alongside my teenage years full of breakups, growing pains, moments of weaknesses and moments of love, it means a lot to me that she is growing up alongside all of us. Making mistakes, falling in love, and wearing every experience with grace. This album feels like coming home for Lizzy, and I think there is so much here to be felt and debriefed even still. Close your eyes, and let this album settle in your mind, long enough to hear the journey and carry hers with you. Let it be your guardian, Angel.