Being 23 is such a weird stage of life. You are old enough that people expect you to have some idea of what you are doing, but young enough to still feel like you are figuring everything out as you go. You are technically an adult, but sometimes you still feel like a teenager who is trying to understand what they want to be when they grow up. And honestly, that is exactly how I feel. I’m 23 years old, and I am currently in my senior year of college. In just a few months, I am supposed to walk across a stage, graduate, and officially enter the “real world.” That sounds exciting, but if I am being completely honest, it is also a little scary. I do not have everything figured out. I have goals, dreams, and ideas about what I want my future to look like, but I do not have every single step mapped out. Sometimes, I feel like I am supposed to.
As graduation gets closer, I have started hearing one question more often: “So, what are you doing after graduation?” When you are a freshman or sophomore, saying “I don’t know yet” does not seem like a big deal. You have plenty of time. But when you are a senior, that same answer can suddenly feel like something you should be embarrassed about. People want to know what job you have lined up, whether you are going to graduate school, where you are moving, and what career you want. Sometimes, I genuinely do not know the answer.
I do have plans for my future, but I am also learning that there is a difference between having goals and knowing exactly how your life is going to turn out. I can have an idea of where I want to go without knowing every single road I will take to get there. That realization has helped me take some of the pressure off myself.
One thing I have started doing is focusing on what I can control instead of obsessing over what I cannot. I cannot control exactly when I will get my first job after graduation or whether every opportunity I apply for will work out. I can control how much effort I put into applying, networking, preparing my resume, building connections, and learning new skills. When the future feels overwhelming, I try to bring my attention back to the things I can actually do today.
I also think a lot of the pressure comes from comparing ourselves to other people. Social media makes it incredibly easy to feel like everyone else has their life together. At 23, it seems like someone is always getting engaged, buying a house, starting their dream career, traveling the world, or making six figures. Meanwhile, you might still be trying to finish your degree, figure out your career, save money, or decide what you even want your life to look like.
I have definitely caught myself comparing my life to other people’s lives. But I have had to remind myself that I am looking at someone’s highlight reel, not their entire story. I do not know how long it took them to get where they are, what obstacles they faced, or what they are dealing with privately. Comparing my behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel will always make me feel like I am behind.
If you struggle with comparison, try taking a break from the things that make you feel like you are not doing enough. That might mean unfollowing certain accounts, limiting your time on social media, or simply reminding yourself that what you see online is not the full picture. You do not have to consume content that constantly makes you question your own worth.
It can also help to create your own definition of success. Instead of asking, “Why am I not where they are?” ask yourself, “What do I actually want for my life?” Those questions can lead to completely different answers. Your version of success might not involve buying a house at 25 or having your dream career immediately after graduation. Maybe success for you is becoming financially independent, finding a career you enjoy, traveling, taking care of your family, or simply becoming happier and more confident.
Being a senior has also made me realize how much pressure we put on ourselves to have a perfect plan. For years, school has given me structure. There was always another semester, another class, another assignment, and another goal to work toward. Now I am looking at my calendar and realizing that in a few months, I will no longer be a college student. That transition is exciting, but it is also intimidating because I am entering a stage of life where there is no syllabus telling me what comes next.
Sometimes I worry about what happens if my first plan does not work out. What if I do not immediately get my dream job? What if I change my mind about my career? What if I take longer than I expected to reach my goals? What if the life I imagined for myself at 18 looks completely different at 23?
I am learning that changing your mind does not mean you failed. Your early 20s are supposed to be a time when you learn more about yourself. You are meeting different people, experiencing new environments, making mistakes, gaining independence, and discovering what you actually value. The person you were at 18 does not have to be the same person you are at 23, and the person you are at 23 does not have to be the person you are at 30.
If you are unsure about your career or future, give yourself permission to explore before committing to one answer. Talk to people who work in fields you are interested in. Ask questions. Shadow someone. Take a class. Apply for an opportunity even if you are not completely sure it is your forever path. You do not always figure out what you want just by thinking about it. Sometimes you figure it out by trying things and learning what does and does not feel right.
It is also important to remember that changing your mind does not mean starting over. Everything you have already done can teach you something. A job you disliked can teach you what kind of environment you do not want. A class you struggled in can teach you how you learn. A relationship that ended can teach you what you need from future relationships. Even experiences that feel like setbacks can become part of the person you are becoming.
I also think one of the best things you can do in your 20s is stop treating every decision like it is permanent. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves because we believe that one wrong decision will determine the rest of our lives. But most decisions are not as permanent as they feel in the moment. You can change your major. You can switch careers. You can move somewhere else. You can go back to school. You can start over.
There is no rule saying the first thing you choose has to be the thing you choose forever.
Another thing I am learning is that you do not have to figure everything out at once. When I think about graduating, working, continuing my education, finances, relationships, and my future all at the same time, it can feel overwhelming. Instead, I am trying to break my goals into smaller steps. Rather than asking myself, “What am I doing with my entire life?” I can ask, “What is one thing I can accomplish this week that will help me in the future?”
That might mean updating my resume, researching a graduate program, applying for a job, saving a little money, reaching out to someone in a field I am interested in, or simply taking a day to rest. Small steps still move you forward. And sometimes, moving forward means resting. There is so much pressure in our 20s to constantly be productive. We are told to build our careers, network, work out, save money, travel, maintain friendships, date, and somehow enjoy our youth at the same time. It can feel like if we are not constantly accomplishing something, we are wasting time. But you are allowed to rest without feeling guilty. You do not have to turn every hobby into a side hustle. You do not have to make every moment productive. You are allowed to have days where your biggest accomplishment is taking care of yourself. Burnout will not get you to your goals any faster.
I have also had to learn to celebrate small wins. We often think success only counts when it is something major enough to announce. But graduating from college is not the only accomplishment that matters. Neither is getting your dream job. Maybe you made it through a difficult semester. Maybe you advocated for yourself. Maybe you finally set a boundary. Maybe you applied for a position that intimidated you. Maybe you saved your first few hundred dollars. Maybe you got out of bed on a day when you were struggling. Maybe you finally started believing in yourself again. Those things count too. Try keeping track of your small wins. When you are having a difficult day and feel like you are not accomplishing enough, looking back at what you have already done can remind you that you are making progress, even if it does not always feel like it.
Another important lesson is learning not to let other people’s timelines become your deadlines. Just because someone got married at 23 does not mean you should be married at 23. Just because someone started their career at 21 does not mean you are late starting yours. Just because someone knows exactly what they want does not mean you need to know too. Your life does not need to happen in the same order as someone else’s. There is also nothing wrong with asking for help. Sometimes the pressure to be a “real adult” makes us feel like we should already know everything. But adulthood does not mean doing everything alone. Talk to your friends, family, professors, mentors, advisors, or anyone else you trust. Ask questions. Seek advice. Let people support you. There is strength in admitting, “I don’t know what I am doing yet.” You do not have to pretend to have everything together just because you are getting older. I am still learning to do all of this myself.
At 23, I am still figuring out who I am outside of being a college student. I am still trying to understand what I want my career and life to look like after graduation. I am still learning what matters to me and what kind of person I want to become. And while sometimes that uncertainty scares me, I am starting to realize that it can also be exciting.
There are still so many things I have not experienced yet. There are places I have not been, people I have not met, opportunities I have not had, and lessons I have not learned. I do not want to spend my 20s rushing through every experience because I am afraid that I am not “where I am supposed to be.” Maybe being 23 is not about having everything together. Maybe it is about figuring it out. So, if you are 23 and still trying to figure out your life, I hope you know you are not alone. If you are graduating soon and do not have every detail of your future planned, you are not behind. If you change your career goals, you are not failing. If your life looks completely different from what you imagined when you were younger, that is okay.
Give yourself permission to change. Give yourself permission to take your time. Give yourself permission to rest. Celebrate your small wins. Focus on what you can control. Ask for help when you need it. Stop comparing your timeline to everyone else’s. Most importantly, remember that you do not have to know exactly where you are going to take the next step.
I am 23. I am a senior in college. I have graduation coming up in just a few months. And honestly, I do not have everything figured out. But maybe I am not supposed to. Maybe this stage of life is not about having all the answers. Maybe it is about giving ourselves permission to ask the questions, explore different possibilities, make mistakes, change our minds, and trust that we will figure things out along the way. We are not behind. We are becoming.