Being 21 is supposed to feel like a big deal. And while it has been the most fun ever, no one tells you that when you turn 21, you’re suddenly expected to have everything figured out. Nobody really tells you is how weird it feels to be stuck somewhere between being a college girl and being a real adult. It’s weird because I have to focus on what I wanna do in the future while also having Senioritis and trying to enjoy all of my “lasts.”
Being a senior makes everything feel a little more meaningful. Things that used to feel normal, like the first day of classes, getting food at the usual spot with my friends, getting ready for a sorority event, or Sunday mornings at our friend’s house; suddenly feel like memories I’m going to miss. I’ve spent so much of my college experience building these friendships: joining my sorority, going to events, joining extracurriculars, and making Chico feel like home. Now, I’m realizing that this chapter actually has an ending.
One of the hardest parts is knowing that friendships can change after graduation. Right now, my friends are always nearby. We can make plans last minute throughout the week, see each other around campus or gym, or randomly end up together on a weekend. Especially with Chico being a small town, I feel as we are fortunate enough to be able to have a close community where everything is walking distance. After college, everyone will start going in different directions. Some people will move back home, some will start full-time jobs, and others might move to completely different countries. It makes me appreciate the little moments with my friends now because I know they won’t always be this easy.
At 21, there’s also this pressure to start thinking seriously about the future. Graduation is no longer some far-away thing. It’s actually happening in less than a year. I find myself thinking about where i’ll be a year from now, and start to get overwhelmed because I have no idea what my life is going to look like. It’s strange knowing that I can make my own decisions while still feeling like I need someone to tell me what I’m supposed to do next.
Being in a sorority adds another layer to this stage of life. My sorority has been a huge part of my college experience, and being a senior makes me appreciate it even more. I’ve met some of my lifelong best friends that I probably would have never met otherwise, made memories at events, had a position, and had experiences that shaped who I am. At the same time, I know that college won’t always be the center of my social life. That realization is exciting, but also a little sad.
I think the weirdest part about being 21 is realizing that growing up doesn’t happen all at once. You can be responsible and independent while still feeling like a kid sometimes. I still call my mom about random questions. You can be excited to graduate and still wish you had more time. You can have a plan for your future and still change your mind.
Maybe being 21 isn’t about having everything figured out. Maybe it’s about being comfortable with uncertainty. As I finish my senior year at Chico State, I’m letting myself be somewhere in between and honestly, I think that’s okay.
