“What the hell is a situationship? Worship me or die.”
A few months ago, my best friend sent me a post on TikTok with this very text. I remember
having a good chuckle over it, because at the time, I’d been intertwined in an ambiguous
relationship without a label to define it. I didn’t think twice about the reality behind those
words—but as I currently sit in an attempt to write this article, I have to pose a question to
myself and the general public:
What the hell is a situationship?
Now, according to Merriam-Webster, it’s a “a romantic or sexual relationship whose members
have not formally defined it or officially committed to it” (Merriam-Webster, 2026). Urban
Dictionary defines it as “Less than a relationship, but more than a booty call, a situationship
refers to a romantic relationship that is, and will remain, undefined” (Urban Dictionary, 2026).
Some people online say it’s emotional trauma in a gift box, tied together by a ribbon made up of
casual affection. I personally like this metaphor a lot more than the official definitions.
The term “situationship” can be traced back to a 2017 Cosmopolitan article by Carina Hsieh, in
which Hsieh refers to it as a “hookup with emotional benefits.” But considering the experiences I
have heard from friends and online discourses—most of which are equivalent to horror
stories—I couldn’t help but wonder: are there ever emotional benefits to situationships?
“It’s the thrill of it,” my friend, Rana, had suggested when I brought it up. “The constant anxiety
of not knowing where you stand, the push and pull, and being able to experience the good parts
of a relationship without the pressure of a label.”
I had considered her words. “Then why do they always end so badly?”
She’d shrugged at that. “Someone always gets more attached than the other person.”
“Couldn’t, you know, talking solve that?”
“That’s the thing about situationships. You don’t need to talk. You don’t carry some obligation to
communicate the same way relationships do. That’s why it’s easier.”
So, according to Rana, it’s the seemingly unnecessary nature of communication that draws
people to situationships. Talking, or even bringing up the conversation of where a relationship
stands can be overtly terrifying and frankly, quite taxing.
Plus, there’s magic in the ambiguity. Without the harsh reality check of a label, you’re allowed to
fantasize or romanticize the relationship all you want. Since you’re not strictly committed, you
have free rein over your actions while still being able to experience affection from someone.
I can see the appeal behind that; after all, it’s a dream scenario for those who aren’t yet ready for
a relationship.
But then again—why the horror stories?
If it works in theory, why shouldn’t it work in action? What is it that transforms situationships
from a lighthearted interaction between two parties to psychosis-inducing emotional damage?
And my biggest question of all: what really is the public perception of situationships when it’s
infamous for being so painful?
To investigate this, I went around campus one afternoon and asked my fellow university
students their personal insights of situationships. The following are the responses I collected over
the span of an hour.
“I think it can be fun for a little bit but it’s not sustainable.” -Anonymous
“It’s never casual.” -Anonymous
“I think they’re taxing and emotionally straining. They’re stupid.” -Anonymous
“As someone who’s had many in the past, one person always falls harder or one person finds
someone else. There are unspoken rules without expectations and it never ends well.” -Anonymous
“I personally hate the concept. It’s not casual like hookups but not fully invested and it’s just too in-between.” -Anonymous
“I think it works out when the people involved are on the same page…until one gets too attached or something.” -Anonymous
“In my humble personal experience, no matter who says they’re comfortable with it, it never
ends well. Someone always likes the other person a little bit more and creates a power dynamic that crashes and burns.” -Anonymous
Well, there you have it. Though there were a couple of more responses, most of them follow the
same consensus: it doesn’t work.
Based on my personal experiences—and good lord, horrid doesn’t even begin to describe
them—in the long run, there really aren’t much emotional benefits to situationships. My take is
that it’s more draining than it is fulfilling, by far.
At the same time, is it fun and thrill-inducing? Most definitely. After all, the most romantic
things I’ve been told were said by situationships, one of them being: “You’re too beautiful,
you’ve for sure been blessed by God.” However, I’d like to note—this is the same man who once
ditched me to smoke weed when he had been the one to make plans. The duality, to this day, astounds
me.
I’m sure there can be many debates revolving around this subject, and I, for one, am terribly
curious to see if there have been any cases where a situationship did work out.
Maybe next time a conversation starts running dry, you can pose the question to your friends on what the hell is a situationship?