Trigger Warning: this article will have references to self-harm, power dynamics alcoholism, brief mention of psychiatric hospitalization, and NSFW content such as: BDSM
When someone thinks of the term “BDSM,” (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission) there is usually a certain picture that comes to mind: handcuffs, Fifty Shades of Grey, leather attire. But the film Secretary, an erotic romance film starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader, takes the concept of BDSM and turns it into something deeply meaningful. Â
Summary
When watching this film for the first time, I was expecting something a lot like Fifty Shades of Grey. I did not expect to cry my eyes out about a movie that is predominantly about BDSM. At the start of the film, the main character, Lee Holloway, is introduced after being released from the psychiatric ward where she was admitted for self-harm. She returns home where she, her father, and mother live together. Lee’s father is seen struggling with alcoholism and yelling at Lee’s mother, which seems to be the main cause of Lee’s mental distress. After Lee comes home to her father and mother arguing and her father throwing household items, Lee runs to her room and harms herself in a very methodical way. Lee doesn’t seem to have any suicidal ideation but just trying to replace her mental pain with physical.Â
Craving structure, Lee searches for a job to avoid being at home, stuck with her dysfunctional family and her own thoughts. While searching through newspaper ads, Lee finds a law firm looking to hire a secretary. This is where E. Edward Grey (Mr. Grey) is introduced into Lee’s life. Lee gets dropped off by her mom for her interview at Mr. Grey’s office to be his secretary. Mr. Grey interviews Lee, and she gets hired to start working immediately. Mr. Grey is a very eccentric man and slightly off-putting in the way he speaks, much like Lee herself. There is an instant tension between the two as Lee starts working at the firm.
As Lee continues working with Mr. Grey, he starts being harsh to her, telling her things she needs to correct to be more professional, such as using a louder voice when answering the phone, wearing more professional clothes, and not sniffling her nose loudly. Mr. Grey says all these things to see how much Lee will obey him and how submissive she actually is, testing the waters of exploring BDSM with her.Â
The tension continues to grow between the two, especially after Mr. Grey notices bandages on Lee’s legs from her self-harm. He sits Lee down and talks to her about it. The turning point in their relationship is when Mr. Grey makes Lee feel seen and heard by asking her why she cuts herself, then saying: “Is it that sometimes the pain inside has to come to the surface and when you see evidence of the pain inside, you finally know you’re really here? Then, when you watch the wound heal, it’s comforting. Isn’t it?” Lee confirms, and Mr. Grey tells her to never cut herself again.Â
Mr. Grey tells Lee to walk home instead of having her mother pick her up from work to give her more of a sense that she can be independent and does not have to be coddled. Lee purposely starts making spelling errors at work to be punished by Mr. Grey. Their exploration of BDSM begins here after this first break of the sexual tension between the two. They regularly start having sessions in the workplace, with Lee growing more comfortable with her body and replacing self-harm with the pain that comes with BDSM, such as spanking. Lee ends up throwing away the box of tools she had to self-harm with into the river. Eventually, Mr. Grey starts to feel very ashamed of his liking for BDSM and feels so guilty he ends up firing Lee because he feels like he corrupted her.
Lee, however, leaves her life of normalcy and fully commits to being with Mr. Grey, no longer listening to what her family expects of her. Mr. Grey and Lee finally find themselves in each other and continue their loving relationship, living together shamelessly. The movie ends with one of my favorite quotes, narrated by Lee: “Each cut, each scar, each burn, a different mood or time. I told him what the first one was. I told him where the second one came from. I remembered them all. And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful. Finally part of the earth. I touched the soil, and he loved me back.”
Loving Yourself
While this film is very steamy and has very explicit scenes, I have never related more to a character than I do to Lee Holloway. As someone who used to struggle with self-harm, I knew all of the feelings Lee was experiencing. Watching Lee get overly coddled by her family, constantly babying her, and treating her like a disaster waiting to happen was a big theme for me as well after struggling with self-harm. Watching Lee find herself and take her own autonomy back is so empowering to watch.
While Lee’s switch from self-harm to BDSM is not conventional in any means, it is so important to me to see how a woman can take control of what she does with her body. Watching Mr. Grey helping Lee find her sense of autonomy is what makes Secretary such an amazing movie in my opinion. Mr. Grey empowering Lee goes beyond the sexual aspects of BDSM because he actually cares for her despite all her scars. He genuinely wants the best for her, and that is what makes it so beautiful and not just an average erotic film. Their sexual life goes beyond what people would consider normal, but it shows that, with healing, sometimes the path will be abnormal. Finding yourself and loving yourself is a very beautiful, cultivating experience.Â