You Are Who You Surround Yourself With

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.”

This concept, created by motivational speaker Jim Rohn, illustrates the idea that you are who you surround yourself with. Similar to the concept of “you are what you eat”, who you are as a person is shaped by who you spend time and interact with. I think it can be easy for many of us to maintain connections with people, even if they may not be right for us, simply because it’s easy. 

It’s convenient.

It’s safe. 

You’re just fine where you are, snug in your comfort zone. It’s so comfortable, maybe a bit too comfortable, that you feel stuck. This is why it’s so important to assess your interpersonal relationships. These people influence how you feel about yourself, how you treat others, and how you live your life. You start to absorb their ideas, habits, and behaviors, and while you make your own decisions, a lot of them are influenced by these people’s  ideas of what’s “normal” or “right”. 

Let’s say you have big dreams for your career, but every time you hang out with your friends, all they want to do is gossip or vent. There’s nothing wrong with those things, but it is a problem when those are the only topics of conversation. If every time you bring up your dreams, your friends call you “unrealistic” rather than supporting you, it’s much more difficult to become the person you aspire to be. 

But if you are around people who are more knowledgeable than you, who are in rooms that you dream to be in, and uplift you when you talk about your goals, then you are more likely to learn more and evolve into a better version of yourself. You not only expand your mind, but you expand what you believe is possible; you dream bigger and live bolder. This would be an example of what Jim Rohn describes as an expanded association.

If you feel that you lack these people in your life, here are some questions you can ask yourself to evaluate your relationships:

1. How do you feel after you hang out? Do you feel sad? Exhausted? Insecure? Not every conversation or hang out with a friend is going to be positive, but you shouldn’t constantly feel negative afterwards. 
2. What do you talk about? How do you hang out? Do you only talk about problems? Do you find yourself repeating habits you want to stop (ex: drinking)?
3. What would your life look like in a few years if you continued to surround yourself with the same people? Does that vision excite you? 

Choosing to interact with different people can be challenging. It might also feel like you’re abandoning the people closest to you, but not every person needs to necessarily be cut off completely–sometimes adjusting looks like distancing yourself. Another great way to look at it is that you can help these people. When you grow yourself, you can effectively uplift others, whether that’s through sharing wisdom or resources. But in order to obtain that, you have to surround yourself with ambitious, confident, and positive people. Think about who you want to become. Then ask yourself what kind of people you need to surround yourself with to become that person.

Additionally, different people will play a different role in your life. Some people are great for going out with but not for helping one another grow and nurturing each other’s ambitions, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be mindful of who you let into your inner circle because, at the end of the day, you are who you surround yourself with. 

• college
• friendships
• relationships
• self-development