If you’ve ever spoken to someone who spends too much time on the internet, you’ve probably heard the suffix “maxxing” tagged onto the end of seemingly random words. Looksmaxxing, heightmaxxing, proteinmaxxing, etc. Another example of weird internet slang that should die out quickly and painlessly. Right?
I was behind the trend when it first appeared (per usual, I’m getting old after all), so it took me a minute to realize the origins of the “maxxing” trend. It originated in niche, online, manosphere forums focused on optimizing physical attractiveness. The idea was to push specific workouts, grooming, and cosmetic procedures in hopes of appearing more physically desirable, and therefore superior, to other men.
But let’s back up. What the hell is the “manosphere”? Essentially, it’s an umbrella term for a plethora of online communities who continually push the idea that a man’s value in society depends on emotional control, wealth, physical appearance, and dominance, particularly in their relationships with women.
You might be thinking, “Katherine, I don’t spend my free time lurking on obscure incel forums, so why should I care?” That’s exactly my point here. You no longer have to actively seek out this kind of thinking anymore. Some of their ideology has already snuck itself into mainstream culture.
LEARNING THE LANGUAGE
Part of what makes the manosphere so interesting (and terrifying) is how its language has crept into everyday speech. Words such as “looksmaxxing,” “alpha,” “beta,” “body count,” “chad,” and “female nature” all started out in those scary online communities, and have since made their way into mainstream internet culture.
Take “maxxing” for example. On its own, you’d think there isn’t anything wrong with wanting to become the best version of yourself. Going to the gym, taking good care of your skin, eating well, etc. are all great things in theory. However, when self-care turns into a ranking system in which your worth as a human being is determined by your appearance, it gets a little tricky.
And women can end up on the receiving end of that ranking system, too.
Imagine you’re on a first date. Your mind isn’t focused on whether or not you like the person, but rather trying to figure out where they land on society’s rank. Are they attractive enough? Wealthy enough? Are they “high value”? What’s their body count? The language reduces dating to a street market where everyone is constantly being priced on their existence.
Obviously, hearing a peer use the phrase looksmaxxing or jokingly call themselves “alpha” does not automatically make them a disciple of this belief system. Young adults constantly pick up and repeat slang without knowing where it originated. But words hold power, and constant use can make non-normal things feel normal.
I think that could be the most important part of understanding how the manosphere has established itself in the culture of college campuses nationwide. It doesn’t show up loud and in your face. It shows up as a joke, a TikTok, a line you hear from a drunk guy at the bar and laugh about with your friends later. And the worry is that the more we hear something, the more accustomed we all become to it.
AM I HIGH VALUE?
I remember the first time someone asked me about my “body count.” I was freshly 14, at the lake with my parents. Two much older boys swam up to me and barely said hello before they bombarded me with intensely personal questions: had I ever kissed a boy, had I gotten my period yet. The whole thing was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my teenage life.
At 14, I obviously lacked the vocabulary for why the conversation felt so uncomfortable. I just knew I had to get out of there ASAP. And I did. But that memory sticks with me to this day. Why didn’t they ask about me, or my interests, or really anything about who I actually was? The way they spouted these questions was extremely casual, like they were asking what toppings I liked on my pizza. It was a normal conversation for them.
Once again, that is what makes this language and belief system so frightening. It usually shows up as a joke or a simple question, making it hard to recognize and stop in the moment. Body count is a good example: a phrase that has become so common in Gen Z vocabulary that we forget what we’re doing when we ask about it. We take something as personal and complex as someone’s sexual history and reduce it to a number. Then we judge them on it.
Too high? You get a whole laundry list of names all describing you as used goods. Too low? What are you, a nun? There is no winning.
Body count is used as one of the biggest deciding factors of the value of a woman. It determines whether she is worthy of respect, of love, of someone’s time and energy. Women are expected to be attractive and desirable to men, but not too experienced. Confident, without being intimidating. I’ll save you the entire monologue that America Ferrera performs in Barbie, but it fits here. A woman’s soul, mind, and core values get lost in comparison to how many times she’s allowed someone into her bed.
Don’t worry, men get their own scorecard, too.
Young men are constantly told they need to be tall, muscular, confident, sexually adept, dominant, etc. Their value becomes tied to how desirable women find them, and almost more importantly, how impressive they appear to other men.
This is where the idea of being “high value” gets extra odd. Instead of evaluating someone based on whether they are kind, interesting, trustworthy, funny, or compatible with you, this mindset teaches us to worry more about how many boxes they check. Our worth is no longer tied to what makes us unique, but rather how close we can get to the ever-changing list of superficial standards. We’re all trying to prove we’re valuable enough, while simultaneously scoring everyone else.
So, honestly, the problem with asking whether someone, or yourself, is “high value” is that it assumes there’s a perfect score to begin with.
MANOSPHERE UNIVERSITY
College is teaching us how to navigate the real world and our careers, but social media has forcibly taught us a few other things while we’ve been here.
Welcome to Manosphere University. Classes are always in session, whether we want them to be or not.
TikTok teaches you what men want in their “perfect” woman. YouTube teaches you how to constantly become more attractive, more desirable. Instagram teaches you how low you seem to rank on the list of everyone, ever.
The weirdest part? You can be vehemently opposed to the manosphere and all it preaches and still be a straight-A student.
You constantly hear your peers talk about body count and “female nature.” You make fun of viral manosphere influencers (do I even have to name them?), while still constantly tuning in to what they’re up to. You laugh at the “alpha” joke in your group chat with no second thought.
All of this is served to us on a platter of normalcy and “this is what everyone does and thinks.” So we accept it, and move on with our lives.
Slowly we absorb the rules the manosphere has taught us. We judge our date on their height and whether they pay for dinner. We play hard to get, because God forbid, we appear needy or obsessive. We judge other women on their bodies, their hair, their clothes, their behavior.
In the past two weeks alone, here are some examples of terms I’ve heard or seen women described as: “wife material,” “for the streets,” “easy,” “bossy,” “ran through,” “mid,” “pick-me,” and of course, good old-fashioned curse words. I didn’t flinch encountering a single one of these, and you probably didn’t either.
We’re all so numb and desensitized to cruel words and descriptors being used against us and others. Years of allowing these kinds of words have morphed into flinging them at other women and ourselves without a second thought.
It shouldn’t be normal, but it is. When you’re 19, 20, 21 and finding who you are, having someone online set standards of what exactly you should be distorts your sense of worth for both yourself and others.
So here’s what I’ve landed on. Maxxing, high-value, body count: none of it is really about optimization or ranking at all. It’s about fear, the fear of being ordinary, of being one more unremarkable person in a world that keeps score of everything. The manosphere didn’t invent that fear. It just gave it a vocabulary and sold it back to us.
I don’t have a clean fix for that. But when I notice I use the language, I try asking myself what I actually mean. Not “is he high-value,” but do I like talking to him. Not “what’s her body count,” but is she someone who I enjoy being around. It’s a small shift, and it won’t undo years of absorbing this stuff by osmosis. But it’s a start, and it serves us a lot better than continuing to live inside a scorecard someone else built.
GLOSSARY:
Manosphere: A collection of online communities, websites, and social media spaces that focus on masculinity, men’s issues, and anti-feminist viewpoints.
Maxxing: A suffix originating from “looksmaxxing,” used to describe optimizing any trait or activity for maximum results, often framed as self-improvement but rooted in ranking and competition.
High-Value: Someone who possesses high superficial social markers of wealth. Particularly wealth, status, physical fitness, and emotional detachment.
Body Count: The amount of people someone has been sexually involved with.
Alpha: A man positioned at the top of a perceived social hierarchy, characterized by dominance, confidence, and control.
Beta: The opposite of alpha; a man seen as submissive, weak, or lacking dominance, often used as an insult.
Chad: A slang term for a conventionally attractive, socially dominant man, often used both admiringly and mockingly.
Female Nature: A phrase used within manosphere spaces to generalize women’s behavior or motives, often to justify distrust or control.
Wife Material: A woman deemed suitable for marriage based on a narrow, often superficial set of standards.
Pick-Me: A woman accused of seeking male approval by putting down other women or distancing herself from feminism.
Mid: Slang for average or unremarkable, frequently used to rank someone’s attractiveness.