Leaves are starting to fall; not your standards.
If you’re reading this, it’s for you. In fact, it’s for everyone. Honestly, I used to be the type to see articles like this and become a skeptic of the author’s credentials, as if that would disprove the claims they made. I didn’t like the information; I didn’t want to be called out, so I simply closed my mind to it. If you want to do that, I get it. If you don’t, here are my credentials. I’ve been in the dating scene since high school. I’ve been out on at least 100 dates with a wide variety of men, women, and everything in between. I’ve dated people in my age group, older, and significantly older. Don’t raise an eyebrow; we’re not here to judge. As Samantha Jones would say, “Not my style,” and Her Campus is a safe space to have these conversations without feeling like you’re the only one in this boat.
I know that cuffing season is around the corner, but is being with a less-than-ideal partner worth it? I think not, but there were times when I would have said otherwise. I want to disclose that what I’m about to write is not about the dramatics of “the nineteen theory,” but more so keeping your love life separate from the “October Canon Event.” If you know, you know. Things to look out for in no particular order:
They won’t plan actual dates.
If they just call you up late at night, or just text you to come over… it’s not that serious. And if that’s what you’re after, no shame. I understand wanting to be the chill type, easy to be around. But where is the line between low pressure and low effort? Why not grab dinner or go for a walk? The bare minimum does not call for someone’s hand in marriage, entire life savings, or entire schedule. Find someone who likes showing you off and spending time with you outside of the room with a bed that likely has no bed frame with sad navy sheets. I believe in you.
They don’t follow you back on social media within two or three days.
Maybe they asked for your Insta, maybe you stalked a little and took the jump. Either way, if they are not adding you back within a reasonable time, forget it. Double down if they are posting a story or song on IG Notes in the meantime. This loser wants to be chased, and you’re the prize. We don’t chase, we attract, but most importantly, we don’t tolerate BS.
They don’t approach you when you see them in public.
You’re out and about, going on a hot girl walk, in between classes, etc. You see Prince Charming with friends, playing football on the lawn. Eye contact has been made, maybe there’s a cheeky smile. If this person isn’t rushing over to say hey, drop it. You would say hey to a friend if you saw them, why not a romantic partner? They go out of their way to dap the homies up, but won’t give more than a wave to a romantic prospect? Ditch him. Take this with a grain of salt if severe shyness is in play.
You’re never invited…
They’re watching the game, going out for a lake day, hitting the mall, the list goes on. You ask what they’re up to that weekend and they have zero interest in the idea of including you. They gloss over their solo plans or outings with friends, every single weekend. Stay booked and busy unless you’re being asked out directly or included. Don’t dry beg or ask to come along, I’m telling you.
They always second guess you.
Do you ever voice a known fact and they just have to “look it up” really quick to make sure? This kind of behavior is just icky, whether it’s a potential mate, friend, or acquaintance. Even worse if you have an opinion about something and they write it off as “wrong.” Another thing these types of people will do is ask someone else, if in a group setting, for their opinion and try to get reassurance from them that whatever you said was incorrect in some way. Gross. Don’t spend time around people who don’t value what you have to say.
They never compliment you.
I’m not just talking about them saying they love your outfit or that you look hot. Do they remark about your intelligence, humor, or mention the way the sun hits your eyes? You might be rolling your eyes right now, but are they actually telling you that you’re the most gorgeous thing they’ve ever seen? If you answered no to these questions, move on and get someone that hypes you up like your roommates do in prep for a night out.
They have zero life.
No job, no car, no hobby, no club, no sports, no activities, no plans. That’s loser behavior. Do they just play video games, smoke, get wasted, or nap? Somehow they’re never available to hang out at the same time. This is embarrassing. You’re booked and busy; they should have goals and aspirations as well.
They have loser friends.
This goes more in depth than their friends having zero life, but more into personality traits. Did his homeboy cheat on his girl? Is his friend a coke dealer? Do they make extremely crude or disrespectful jokes? All I’m saying is you better peep that group chat before you make it official. If you think that this person you like is safe but their friends are not great people, you’re dead wrong. Who you surround yourself with reflects who you are.
In short, we’re not asking the right questions. Do you even like them? Do they reflect your values and treat you with respect? If the answer is no, redirect the wasted affection inwards and take care of yourself.