Ever since I was a little girl, I have been watching dumb romance movies and reading those silly little books that have hearts all over the cover, and I know you know what I am talking about. The ones where two people would meet, fall in love, go through unnecessary drama, and then end up happily ever after. I would finish the film or book, smile, and think, ‘wow, I want that.’
I want someone to climb through my window soaked from the rain. I want someone to chase after me in the airport because they realized their love for me. I want someone to send 500 roses to my apartment, just because. I want to find “my person.”
And as I get older, I realize that these are completely unrealistic standards. But it took me a while to understand that (sort of).
Maybe I don’t really want those dramatic moments. But maybe I want someone who remembers the little things, who knows something is wrong just by my body language, who will listen to me talk about anything, and someone who will let me be myself.
I think this is the part that the romance movies get wrong. They make us hopeless romantics believe that love only comes through huge, grand gestures, instead of quiet actions.
And having this mindset can hurt.
Sometimes we expect love to look like those movies we grew up watching. We imagine the perfect relationship before it fully begins, and we get attached too quickly to the idea of finally having someone, instead of who they actually are. And I know that this is true for me.
After being in two relationships (both of which ended poorly), I am constantly asking myself, ‘Why did I have to go through this?’ ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ ‘And why can’t I find my happily ever after?’ For a while, I thought that maybe there was something wrong with me. But I think I was just looking for love in the wrong places.
Love is all around us. In our best friends, family, nature, or even your favorite snack! It doesn’t always have to come from a significant other, and that is something I have overlooked for a long time. I was so focused on finding “my person” that I forgot that I am loved by so many others.
So, I think I need to slow down and stop looking for the love of my life in the grocery store and focus on the present, because I do not want to spend the next couple of years waiting for the perfect person to magically appear. I want to enjoy sunsets, I want to make memories, I want to laugh (and cry), and I want to figure out who I am without my love life ruining that.
However, I do think it is important to still have that little bit of hope for love. So, I am going to keep watching those ridiculous movies and reading the romance books with the perfect guy. But I am going to stop hyper-fixating on making my life match those in the fictional lifetime.