We have made it about a month into the semester, and that glittery “new experience” shine has started to wear off. Sure, college is awesome, and if you play your cards right, you can have amazing experiences and make some really great friends. But every so often, you’ll look around and realize you miss your family, your high school friends, or the pet you had to leave at home. It’s rough being away from everything you know. (Trust me, I’ve cried in my communal bathroom about it before.)
While it’s healthy to know how much something means to you and how much you miss it, nostalgia and homesickness doesn’t need to be something that takes away from your college experience.
Staying in contact
The first step is recognizing how you feel. Have you ever been sitting awake doom-scrolling, and all of a sudden, your for you page is feeding you videos about family and friends? I sure have, and best believe that I cried a few tears about how much I missed my parents and my sisters. I am missing some pretty big milestones for them right now, with one of my sisters going into her first year of high school, while the other is starting her senior year. Meanwhile, I am across the ocean, watching their lives through updates from my mom with a six-hour time difference. Homesickness is a feeling that I am very familiar with right now. This doesn’t really take away from my experience at college, though. While I miss my family, best friends, and dog with all my heart, I know that they wouldn’t want me moping around and missing out on all the cool things around me. But how do you enjoy everything when you feel the need to be somewhere else?
Well, there are plenty of things that you can do that are actually pretty simple. One thing you can do to try and bridge that disconnect is to stay in contact with your family. (Duh.) I know that sounds like a no-brainer, but it is very easy to get swept up in plans and completely forget to text your dad or call your sibling. I have a few apps that I use to stay in contact and send little videos/vlogs of what I may be doing that day. I can also watch videos from them, so when my friend Sydney feels like telling me about her day, I can listen to her video and do my dishes or walk to class. I also know what forms of connection my friends and family prefer, so I am not texting someone who doesn’t check their messages, or sending reels to someone who deleted Instagram. This doesn’t have to be something that is planned out, too. Most of the time, I see something that reminds me of that person, and I’ll shoot them a text or record a quick voice note. (I definitely still talk to my mom almost every day though.)
new friendships
Another thing you can do is seek out new friendships to help you find that social setting you may be seeking. I have a whole other article on making new friends and friendships that last, but I still think it is very important to just talk to a few people a day. It doesn’t have to be deep – you don’t have to pour your heart out- but it can definitely help you feel less alone when you’re feeling a little isolated. You know that phrase, “A little smile can go a long way”? I can’t tell you how many times someone just acknowledging me, or engaging in a little conversation, has helped to ground me and bring me back to reality. When you’re feeling lonely, you can definitely start to spiral, and it can take you to a really dark place. Talking to a new friend about your day or about how you’re feeling can honestly help a lot.
the six-week rule
Something my mom told me before I started my freshman year was that the six-week mark would be the hardest in terms of missing home. Lo and behold, she was right. (Yeah, that does happen sometimes.) She also enforced a rule that I was not allowed to come home until those six weeks were finished. She told me that I needed to figure out how to be on my own, without leaning on the crutch of coming home every weekend. Honestly, this rule helped me so much. It was hard going six weeks without seeing my family and only talking to them through the phone, but by the end of those six weeks, I really felt like I had figured out where I stood at my college. I felt much better about interacting with people, who my friends were, and my confidence level with being away from my family. I felt so much more secure, and that six-week rule is being enforced again this year, except I won’t be seeing my family till November, when they come see me for Thanksgiving. (The downsides of living in Italy – poor me.)
If you’re feeling sad or lonely and you think you’re the only one, I promise you aren’t. Everyone has their own struggles with homesickness, and everyone deals with it in different ways. It’s perfectly okay to cry, or need a hug, or talk to a therapist about how you’re feeling. (I have done all of those things within the past month, I promise.) Keep in mind that you’re not the only one who is dealing with this, and everyone is looking to find some new friends and people to hang out with. Keep your mind open to new experiences and new friendships. College can genuinely be such a blast, but you have to be okay with being a little uncomfortable at times. That’s how you get to do fun stuff, like going to a concert for free, or singing in the rain with your friends, or hosting an impromptu viewing of Fight Club. Try new things, gain new experiences, and know that your family and friends will be there for you when you get back.