There’s a certain image of college that feels impossible to escape: the expectation that everyone is either dating, talking to someone, or at least trying to. Romance is often positioned as a central part of the undergraduate experience — but for a growing number of college women like Emma Giovanetti, 23, opting out of dating entirely isn’t something to be embarrassed about. In fact, it’s intentional. “It’s so normal to feel that societal pressure to date,” the James Madison University student says. “But the truth is [I wouldn’t] be happy in a relationship if I felt like I should be in one, rather than feeling like I truly want to be in one.”
Many college women are feeling worn down by modern dating — by situationships that go nowhere, unclear expectations, and emotionally draining experiences. A 2024 Hinge study even found that 44% of users experience dating burnout, reflecting how widespread fatigue has become among daters.
But choosing not to date in college isn’t cynicism about love. Instead, it reflects how emotionally aware many Gen Z women have become when it comes to relationships: Conversations around boundaries and unhealthy dynamics are far more normalized than in previous generations. And for Giovanetti, being single as a college senior isn’t some sad waiting period before “real life” begins. It’s a choice — one that feels healthier, calmer, and more aligned with where she’s at right now. Between school and past difficult dating experiences, romance simply isn’t a priority. And she’s not alone.
I’m OK with not dating right now because I’m still discovering things about myself that I didn’t know every single day.
Ciara*, 20
For Ainslee Sanders, a 20-year-old sophomore at the University of Oklahoma, stepping back from dating is part of keeping her focus on herself. “I believe in dating to marry,” she says. “Since I’ve gotten to my college campus, I’ve found that men tend to desire [more] lustful activities. That’s completely normal; however, that doesn’t line up with my values. And some men tend to dislike that.”
Similarly, Ciara*, a 20-year-old junior at Florida State University, says that opting out of dating is an opportunity to focus on self-discovery. “I’m OK with not dating right now because I’m still discovering things about myself that I didn’t know every single day.”
That perspective also challenges one of the biggest assumptions surrounding college dating: that these four years are somehow the easiest — or most important — time to find a relationship. Being surrounded by thousands of people your age doesn’t automatically guarantee meaningful connection, and for many students, proximity doesn’t necessarily equal compatibility. “I truly don’t think I’d have time to date, especially with summer coming up,” Giovanetti says. “I’m traveling all summer, and I’m convinced that my soulmate is just not in my college town!”
I have prioritized myself.
Ainslee Sanders, 20
The decision to avoid dating is also shaped by previous experiences that left many college women hesitant to try again. Giovanetti says her time dating in college previously contributed to that shift. “I had absolutely terrible experiences with dating in college, and the thought of getting into another relationship again is really scary, knowing I could get myself into a toxic relationship again,” she says.
Rather than seeing dating as something inherently desirable, those experiences can make relationships feel emotionally risky or exhausting, especially when students are already managing academic and personal pressures.
Beyond past experiences, some students describe staying single as a way to protect their emotional well-being and maintain stability. This is true for Ciara, who says her decision comes from wanting clarity before bringing someone else into her life. “I need to grow and understand more about myself before I let another person into my life or share my life with that person,” she says.
Instead of trying to fit relationships into an already packed schedule, some students say they are choosing to champion personal stability and growth first. “I have prioritized myself,” Sanders says.
I’m glad I can spend my nights with friends or have a self-care night rather than overthinking about something my partner said or prioritizing someone else’s needs.
Emma Giovanetti, 23
And, for students like Giovanetti, self-growth and boundaries go hand-in-hand. “It would be too stressful trying to worry about someone else’s happiness as well as my own,” she says. “I’m glad I can spend my nights with friends or have a self-care night rather than overthinking about something my partner said or prioritizing someone else’s needs.”
So, rather than actively pursuing relationships to feel complete, many college women aren’t in a rush to find a partner and settle down. And while a connection can come naturally, it’s not something they’re actively seeking out — because, at the end of the day, they are empowered to know that they’re living life on their own terms, and their own timelines. “Everyone’s life is different; some people are going to get married before they’ve even graduated, and that’s OK,” Sanders says. “You shouldn’t rush yourself into a relationship because it’s the ‘normal’ thing to do.”
*Names have been changed