After going home this past weekend, I started thinking about the differences between you, my hometown childhood friends, and my college friends. I can sincerely say I love you both, but in completely different ways for completely different reasons.
With you, our friendship wasn’t something that I had to build, because it was always just there. Growing up together and sharing everything, like books in the classroom, clothes at spontaneous sleepovers, and even advice from our different parents, gave us something that has no words to describe, a connection that one can replicate or replace. You know how people say you don’t know what you have until you lose it, although I didn’t lose it; this is it.
Those last few weeks of summer before college started produced an extremely bittersweet feeling we all felt but didn’t talk about. All of us leaving for different cities to pursue our different careers. All of us scattering from LA to the different cities of beautiful California, from Berkeley to San Diego, and everywhere in between.
We hugged each other goodbye, swallowing the feelings of being sad and replacing them with being content. But while most of us did leave, we still hold on to our hometown and that bond that doesn’t need watering to survive. This keeps me grounded, knowing that I still and will always have those friendships.
Arriving here at UCSB and not knowing anyone caused me to get out of my comfort zone and make new friends with people other than my roommates. Talking to my neighbors across the hall, random classmates in each class, or frankly, just talking to anyone who seemed friendly. After sharing every meal, showering together in the communal bathrooms, crying together after we got our exam grades back, you just gotta find new people to cry to.
Don’t get me wrong, these shared experiences, all happening within the same 10 weeks of meeting each other, did bond us together on a whole other level. But with you guys, our friendship happened so naturally, sharing the same boat. With my college friends, it felt more like getting thrown into the ocean and figuring out how to survive.
These new friendships taught me so much I didn’t know I needed to learn, like how to be there for people you just met and be that sense of stability, especially when taking on a chapter of our lives that is new to all of us. The random 3 am conversations with my roommates taught me that it’s okay to be vulnerable with people you have just met. On a more psychological note, learning to become vulnerable with new people taught me how to allow people to connect with me and my true self.
You all taught me how to be a good friend, having you all be there for me, whether I need you or not. This also taught me how to be there for other people, including yourselves. You showed me loyalty and taught it to me. You taught me that loyalty isn’t about being there just because it’s convenient, but because it’s something you do for each other. You taught me patience.
Growing up together meant having to deal with our stupid arguments or having to deal with each other’s bad moods. This showed me that having patience is something you show someone you love. The fact that you are willing to wait and trust that the friendship is much bigger than whatever occurred in the moment. All of which they don’t teach in the classrooms, and for that I’m eternally grateful.
With you all, I don’t have to explain myself. You already know how I feel, why I feel what I feel. I guess being there for my awkward phases throughout middle school and high school truly helped, huh? This kind of friendship is so valuable when I’m away from home and no one truly knows where I came from.
With my college friends, however, it’s like they know me in real time. They know what I’m thinking, what I’m about to say, all based on my recent feelings and events. There’s something so exciting about that, having people who know and see you how you are right now and not who you were before.
I don’t see you as often anymore, which is strange because we went from meeting up every day after 3rd period at lunch to meeting once a quarter when we all find ourselves home (if that). But the distance has not changed anything; if anything, it makes me appreciate and cherish it much more. What we have built throughout all these years does not need any maintenance for it to stay vivid and real.
My college friendships are still developing. I wonder where else they’ll go and what else they have in store for me.
But you know a version that no one else does, that same version, while I’m trying to figure it out now. You knew my past thoughts all throughout my phases, and yet you are still there. I don’t understand this, but it’s something I don’t take lightly, and will forever treasure.