“People judge other people’s relationships because they believe they have the right to comment on someone else’s life. With the exposure created by social media, especially Instagram, they often feel even more comfortable making assumptions and drawing conclusions based on what they see,” says psychologist Karoline Miranda.
It has become increasingly common to witness breakups unfold on social media, especially among celebrities. After someone starts a new relationship, comments such as “Wow, they moved on fast, right?” or “They probably didn’t love each other that much” often appear. But does this judgment affect men and women equally?
When moving on becomes a reason for criticism
Although both men and women are judged, women are usually criticized more harshly when they move on quickly after a breakup. On social media, comments questioning their feelings or their “ability to love” frequently appear, while men are often perceived as simply moving on with their lives. This double standard reveals that society still holds different expectations for how each gender should process the end of a relationship.
One example worth mentioning is Zoë Kravitz, who is engaged to Harry Styles. She was criticized by people who claimed that she “gets engaged every year” after ending her engagement to actor Channing Tatum in 2024. However, the same criticism was not directed at Harry, even though he had ended his own relationship only a few months earlier.
The weight of social expectations
For Karoline Miranda, judgment surrounding breakups does not affect men and women in the same way. According to her, there has long been an expectation that women should be more caring, emotional, and responsible for maintaining relationships. “Women are often raised to please others. So, when a breakup happens, the judgment tends to fall much more heavily on them: What did she do wrong? What could she have done to make him stay?” she explains.
Men, on the other hand, are generally granted more social freedom to move on quickly: “There is a cultural perception of men as conquerors. Often, when they enter a new relationship shortly after a breakup, it is seen as normal or even expected,” she adds.
Attachment theory and romantic grief
The psychologist connects the way each person reacts to the end of a relationship to the so-called attachment styles, a theory developed by psychiatrist John Bowlby. According to her, the bonds formed during childhood directly influence how we deal with abandonment, loneliness, and new relationships in adulthood.
“The way we learn to bond with others tends to reappear throughout life,” she states. According to Karoline, different attachment styles, such as secure, anxious, and avoidant, help explain why some people struggle more than others to move on after a breakup.
She also highlights that there is no “right amount of time” to get over someone: “What exists is the grief that comes with the end of a relationship. There is grief for the version of yourself that existed within that relationship,” she explains.
For the psychologist, the process of moving on is often contradictory: “Sometimes a person feels relief, then sadness, then longing, then freedom. Grief is a dual process, a constant tension between loss and growth,” she says.
When the internet turns breakups into entertainment
Social media has intensified the judgment over the end of relationships. For the psychologist, the internet has transformed breakups into a kind of public spectacle. “It’s as if people are following the next chapter of someone else’s life,” she comments. She believes that constant exposure creates a false sense of intimacy, making strangers feel entitled to give opinions about someone else’s pain and healing process.
The psychologist also argues that the internet contributes to an exaggerated idealization of relationships: “There is a massive construction of realities that are not, in fact, real. People become so attached to the projections created on social media that reality itself becomes distorted,” she explains.
Moving on is also a personal process
Despite the social pressure and online comments, Karoline reinforces that each person experiences a breakup differently. For her, the biggest mistake after the end of a relationship is abandoning your own identity to meet external expectations:
“The mistake is forgetting yourself. It is not having the courage to be vulnerable,” she says.
In the end, moving on too fast seems to say less about the person experiencing the breakup and more about the expectations society creates around love. In an era where relationships become content and breakups turn into public debates, the pace of healing is constantly scrutinized and judged by strangers on social media.
Between comments and speculation, moving on becomes something people often feel pressured to justify publicly. Still, for Karoline Miranda, the most important thing is to respect your own feelings and not allow other people’s opinions to become the standard for how you experience a relationship or overcome its end. “Be authentic, be congruent, and do not compare yourself to others. Know your own values so you do not betray yourself trying to meet external expectations.”
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The article above was edited by Julia Galoro.
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