In the wise words of Vogue’s, “Is It Embarrassing to Have a Boyfriend”, it is lame to spend your college years consumed by a man. You know what is not lame, though? Your friendships.
The gift of gab is a friendship superpower. Unlike in any other relationship dynamic I’ve had – certainly not in the lackluster relationships with boyfriends – the ability to talk is so incredibly important to female friendship.
We want to go on a walk with the girl who compels us to tell our whole life story. We then want to psychoanalyze every interaction we had that past week with that girl.
We want to get pulled in by the girl who tells stories with the very best expressions.
We want to seek advice from the girl who is comfortable being vulnerable and can make an analogy out of the oddest things.
So we make ourselves that person.
We practice listening. As a good friend, we ask inquisitive questions that make her think deeply. As someone who loves our friends, we reassure, but also know how to kindly push them to be better.
This past week, I read a Substack article by a brilliant author, Feifei, titled Your Friendships Are the Blueprint For Your Romantic Relationships. Dang. It is just perfect for the phase I find myself in – it is perfect for all of us who recognize it takes hard, but such sweet love, to be a good friend. It is both so natural and so intentional to show up for a friend. It is so easy to carry a conversation. It is a constant practice to see your friend, the person you know fully, and give due diligence to everything in her life.
Despite this, we love our friends well.
We show up, and we hug.
We listen, and we giggle.
We send TikToks, and we beat dead horses.
We go on coffee dates, and we can overlook annoyance because we know how one another’s brains are wired.
Somehow, we catch one another, and we do loving one another well.
In the words of this beautiful Substack article, “There’s something we’re missing in how we approach romantic love, and I think our friendships have been trying to teach us all along.”
Is it so crazy to imagine that, in a world where the gift of gab is best demonstrated in front of the bathroom mirror with tiny tops and loud music and smile-lines as we get ready, we find our most romantic relationships there? What if we relinquish ourselves from the pressure of “looking for love” and let our romantic relationships be the ones with the people who choose to sit criss-cross on our floor at 11 pm after a busy day?