Gradxiety… a combination of the words “Graduation” and “Anxiety”, and a perfect summary of my current feelings as the end of the school year approaches.
I am super excited to graduate of course, but I am also plagued with many things to be worried about post-grad.
I am attending Grad school to get my Masters in Occupational therapy, so the next two years are all mapped out. Why am I still freaking out?
Well first off… my student loans make me feel like I bet the house on black and then lost it. Those undergrad loans turning into post-grad loans… not ideal. Payment plans, unbearable interest, and my financial independence feel like weights around my ankles at times. I am blessed that it is not really all that much in the grand scheme of things, but still, very crushing.
I am also afraid of the shift. Going from being with my friends, living on campus, and having a more unstructured schedule are things that I got used to and am afraid to be without. Not waking up and seeing my best friend in the morning like usual might just kill me.
Just trying to make sure I am prepared for grad school feels like a battlefield in itself.
I am feeling senses of dread at how serious everything is getting. For lack of a better term… everything is getting REAL. Rent, endless important letters, and moving all of my belongings once more are all swirling around my mind nonstop. It almost feels like this is going to be my last carefree summer (which I know is dramatic and untrue).
I have been trying to focus on the beauty of it all. I earned a degree and am graduating with a series of accolades to be proud of. My friends will all still be around, just in a different way. The adult life I spent years working so hard for is becoming a reality. Any reassuring thought helps.
Even just looking at how pretty my graduation dress is or thinking about turning in that last assignment are enough to remedy my sometimes-moody outlook on what is supposed to be one of my biggest life events.
The funny thing about anxiety, is a lot of the times it really does not make sense. It swoops in and overpowers what really matters, and has you worked up sometimes over the silliest of things. A grounding thought is the realization that you are so much bigger than anything you could ever be afraid of.
I am excited to move forward and really get started with what I actually came here for (Occupational Therapy).
I know everything will be okay.
If you are feeling the same Gradxiety, you are not alone. Just remember to sit back and be proud of yourself. You got this! You always did.