Personally, I have never fallen for the knight-in-shining-armor trope. From a very early age, I have always known that no one was coming to save me. As I got older, my experiences reinforced this belief, and it was no surprise that I was right all along. Call me cynical, pessimistic — a misandrist even — but I find the argument “what would women do without men’s protection?”, moot and offensive. Political institutions do not represent us and sure as f**k don’t protect us, nor have they ever. Women are actively getting their rights stripped from them, our sitting president has several rape allegations — some involving minors — and a decades-long human trafficking scheme has surfaced with documents detailing the atrocities committed against young girls. Where is this so-called knight-in-shining-armor? Where is the justice? The framework to protect women, or rather, the lack thereof, leaves women as their sole protectors. So, when a pretentious frat boy spews that fallacious bullsh*t, I can’t help but laugh. Who do women truly need protection from? Men… Duh. I don’t mean to be flippant about the issue, because it deserves a more dignified tone, but I mean, really? The idea that women — constantly underestimated, invisible, yet resilient — need protection from their notorious perpetrators is ludicrous.
Every day, women take proactive measures to ensure their safety — some are subconscious behaviors deeply ingrained in their neural pathways — like clutching our keys tightly in a closed fist when we walk through a parking garage or holding our mace positioned for action. These habits have become inherent to who we are, because this world has taught us, time and time again, that our safety is never guaranteed. There is a generational fortitude that lives in women that is rarely acknowledged with the gravity it deserves. It is inherited — from mothers who taught daughters how to read a room, from grandmothers who survived worlds even narrower and harsher. The violence women have endured, historically and contemporarily, shapes how women navigate the world. We endure, learn, adapt, and prepare.
This strength is integral to women’s lives; the resilience to endure a system constructed to disempower us and the vigor to get us out of a bad situation. Accordingly, self-defense is more than weaponry. It is equally about finding and challenging your inner strength and confidence.
Recently, I had the privilege of attending an empowerment and self-defense workshop taught by the first woman FBI sniper. It was truly an honor to have had this experience, and frankly, I would be a bad feminist if I didn’t relay this invaluable information. Underpinning the course was the pertinence of confidence. Specifically, the importance of having the confidence to trust in your ability to respond to danger. One can prepare all they want for an imminent threat, but if they don’t have the courage to face it, that preparation was futile. You must believe in yourself.
Not only is self-assurance important when you’re standing in the face of danger, but it also influences perpetrators’ perception of you. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, your self-esteem dictates the way you show up in the world, radiating and sending signals as to whether you’re an easy or hard target. In a study conducted by Betty Grayson and Morris I. Stein, they explored how “potential victims may be signaling their vulnerability to would-be assailants through gestures, posture, and exaggerated movements.”
Through showing prison inmates — convicted of assaultive crimes — videotapes of individuals walking in New York City, they found that victim selections were made within seconds, and they all displayed the same characteristics. Those who had slumped posture, a slower walking pace, and a reluctant or downward gaze were perceived as weak and submissive, and subsequently, categorized as an easy target. By contrast, individuals who walked at an elevated pace with their head up were perceived as assertive, confident, and likely to defend themselves or fight back. Their demeanor characterized them as having vigilance and awareness, thus making them a hard target. Now, I understand that having confidence is easier said than done, but for the sake of what you’ve just learned, at least pretend; if it’s all about perception, fake it ‘til you make it, baby.
Still, even the most confident presence cannot guarantee that you won’t be targeted. When deterrence fails, the situation pivots to reclaiming control in a moment designed to take it from you. To quote Stacey Mitry, “Even if I am selected as a victim, it does NOT mean I have to be victimized.”
Your safety in a dangerous situation is not only contingent on your confidence, but also on your ability to make informed decisions through cues gathered by an increased level of vigilance. Stacey taught us the ACC model for situational awareness (Assess, Create Space, Communicate) to support our defensive skills. This model advocates for pausing, taking a breath, scanning, and then taking inventory of your surroundings; this requires ungluing your eyes from your phone. When under threat, utilize boundaries that are firm and clear, and move with purpose to create space between you and the source of danger. Last, and in tandem, use your voice to signal resistance, alert others, and call for support. Equally important, use your voice to report the incident.
Additionally, Stacey also taught us the 5 D’s of Security: Deter, Detect, Deny, Delay, and Defend. Deterrence is highly related to constructing the perception that you’re a hard target, but also refers to being unpredictable (alternating routes home, times you go to the grocery store, etc), and discouraging violent action against you by instilling doubt of success. The act of detecting pertains to situational awareness. 90% of victims recall noticing suspicious activity prior to a crime, so it is ideal that you identify the perpetrator before they execute. Deny their effort with a firm refusal and use delay tactics, such as physical obstacles, to slow down the attacker. Lastly, defend.
Beyond these foundational strategies, defending yourself is contingent on what tools you carry and your ability to use them in high-pressure situations. What you have in your “toolbox” matters, so long as you know how to use it. Tools such as brass-knuckle-adjacent keychain weapons, tactical pens, and pepper spray are all functional tools to keep on you; but most things can serve as a weapon with enough force and dexterity. Water bottles, car keys, umbrellas, and flashlights should not be underestimated.
Comprehensively, Stacey’s teachings advocated for increasing your situational awareness, shifting our mentality from a fear-based mindset to an empowered mindset, and trusting your gut. She emphasized that self-empowerment gives you the agency to control your outcome. Safety is just as internal as it is external—you need to trust yourself and your instincts.
In navigating the world as a woman, I’ve come to rely on my own set of practices and precautions that help me stay aware, prepared, and in control of my safety:
- Always lock your doors within seconds of getting home or in the car
- Refrain from having headphones in when you’re in a public place
- Sit with your back facing a wall so you can observe your surroundings
- Always know your exits
- Remain unpredictable; take different routes home, change your schedule where you can
- Never walk with your hands full
- A man will never ask a woman for help (so if he does, sound the mental alarm)
However, safety does not need to be a solitary endeavor. Building your community is also essential; know your neighbors and know your resources. Accordingly, for my fellow Buffs:
- CU Boulder’s Safety Resources: https://www.colorado.edu/publicsafety/resources
- CU Boulder Safe App with features such as “Virtual Walkhome” and “Friend Walk” alongside resources for discrete reporting and non-emergency lines
- Counseling & Psychological Services (CAPS), The Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), 24/7 Suicide Prevention line—dial 988
- CU Boulder’s weapon policy. Navigating safety on campus can be precarious, considering the weapons policy. However, Stacey notes (and as aforementioned) that many ordinary items can be a weapon if used with enough force behind them
According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 3 women globally have been subjected to physical and/or sexual violence from a partner or non-partner in their lifetime, and women ages 19-24, in college, are 3x more likely to experience sexual violence. Sexual assault on campus makes up the greatest proportion of total on-campus crimes in the United States, and it is predicted that 1 in 4 women will experience sexual violence as undergraduate students.
Take your power back and make yourself a force to be reckoned with. The goal is not to accept a dangerous world as inevitable, but rather, to navigate it with confidence. Demand better and alchemize fear into power. You are inherently strong, but stronger when you are prepared, aware, and empowered. Your resilience is proof that your safety, voice, and strength are yours to claim. Stand firmly in your power and never apologize for it.