I truly felt like it was just yesterday when I moved into my dorm. The first night in my dorm room as a freshman felt so surreal. It was a moment I knew was bound to happen someday, and yet I didn’t feel ready at all. I was so scared of what this year would hold, and part of me can’t believe I’ve made it to April. And yet, here we are. Freshman year certainly had its ups and downs, but in the end, there is no place I would rather be. This room seems to hold a million memories, not counting all the people who lived here in the years before ours. From excitement and nervousness in August, to debating dropping out in February, to dreading ever leaving in April, here is my freshman year.
You know how most kids are excited to grow up? Always dreaming of the freedom of an adult? Well, I was never that kid. I never liked change in the slightest. I cried when my parents tried to throw out old school assignments because they were “memories” (and you know what? I still stand by that.) So you can only imagine how I felt when the senior year game came to a close. I kept thinking back to the bus ride to kindergarten orientation. Believe it or not, I remember it. I sat with a girl named Danielle, who I didn’t know would become like a sister to me. We talked about how far away high school is. And look where we are now.Â
I also always thought that by the time college came around, I would know exactly what I want to do and who I want to be. But it was the opposite. I had no idea where to go to school or what to study. I honestly chose this school because it was the most affordable option for me, and it was the safe choice, being only about an hour and a half from home. But when I finally visited campus, it was perfect. It felt so homey. The only problem was that I didn’t want to live with a stranger. So, I called a friend on the way home because I didn’t know of her college plans. She was planning to go to a community school, but it took all of ten minutes to convince her to come here with me instead. And now she, too, is like a sister to me. It is so crazy how things fall into place.
The year started out decently. Welcome Week was a blast. We made friends, the weather was nice, and classes weren’t completely excruciating. I missed home a lot, and still do. I go home nearly every other weekend, and judge me all you want, but I have no regrets. Two homes are better than one in my book. But it definitely was hard being away from home. And eventually, the weather got cold, classes got harder, and we still weren’t super close with any of our friends, and there was a lot of drama. And it is definitely hard sharing a room and not having much time to yourself. It was rough for a while. My roommate went through a heartbreak, I had problems of my own, and we both kind of felt like giving up. But luckily, we didn’t.
We stuck it out. And one day suddenly realized, “I actually really like it here…” More recently, the weather has been getting nicer, and my classes are going well. My roommate and I have started to focus more on female friendships, and it’s been great. We have a really good group of really good people whom I am beyond grateful for. We are super excited for next semester, although our housing situation is less than ideal (thanks, no thanks, Rowan). I am caught up on all my work, and I have been going out at night a lot more recently and have tons of fun. I am so excited for the end-of-semester events, and I am so, so grateful I am here. I feel like I have lived a million lives this year. I have learned so much, and I have changed so much. I can’t even put into words how. It just happened. I became comfortable living on my own, and I have learned to enjoy independence in a way I never have before. I have learned to be there for myself, to hold myself accountable, and to believe in myself. And I know that sounds clichĂ©, but I mean it. Never in my life before college have I been the organized, productive, energy-filled person I am today. I have made so many amazing memories and met so many wonderful people. I am so excited for what the next year has to come.
When I graduated high school, I felt like I didn’t appreciate it enough while I had it. And I was so desperate to hang on, and so sad that it had to come to an end, that I still wasn’t enjoying it in the moment. I let my emotions, my fears, and negativity ruin some memories that should’ve been happy. And so I swore to treat college differently, and I think so far I have. All I can do is try my best to live in the moment and accept the changes life offers me with grace. That mindset is the biggest thing I have gained from this year.Â
What will be will be. Let it.