Ghosted: Can we bring communicating effectively back?

It was the middle of the night and there I was doomscrolling on TikTok when I should have been sleeping. I was mindlessly scrolling until I scrolled past one video of a girl talking about how her long-distance friendship ended abruptly and with zero closure. Essentially, she was ghosted by her friend. A specific comment on the video caught my interest immediately. The user @coda.di.gallo replied under the post, “the ‘you dont owe anyone an explanation’ has literally had detrimental impacts on adult maturity and teenage development.” Although I am unsure if this user actually has proof of the “detrimental impacts on adult maturity,” I honestly could not agree more.

Now, what even is ghosting — the popular term that has been used widely by young people today? Essentially, ghosting is when a friend, romantic partner or literally anyone cuts contact with you for an unknown reason and without an explanation. They basically vanish and “turn into a ghost.” 

Ghosting is not just a trend I have observed — I have experienced it firsthand. From trying out dating apps and being ghosted (never again!) to even similar instances like the one shared by the TikTok creator mentioned earlier. And in those relationships that have meaning, being ghosted by someone you thought was a friend, they really do hurt.

When I think about the “you don’t owe anyone an explanation” mindset that has been widely trending among youth, it does make me question whether society has lost its ability to communicate effectively. We should not normalize disguising “protecting our peace” as being rude to someone for no reason. If you feel the need to cut ties with someone for whatever reason, you should be able to communicate that with them without needing to just ghost them. Of course, there are situations where cutting contact abruptly is necessary. Especially when it comes to the safety of those involved. 

I can even think of instances where, in professional settings, the art of communication is flawed. Why am I being ghosted by a workplace, or not hearing back about a job interview until months later? It should not be normalized to treat people with disrespect by leaving them in the dark. I see this lack of communication in educational settings, too. I will email a professor or an advisor and not hear back from them for a week, sometimes even longer! If it is expected of me to check my email account regularly, I would expect the same from people who are supposed to be making my educational experience easier. 

Social media obviously has a lot of influence on the younger generation today. However, sometimes I think we should all take a step back and look at what it is really teaching us. Creators and influencers, and even comments from random people, should not hold so much power over us that they can influence us to “normalize ghosting.” Yes, the media can be good in many ways, but when it comes to communication, we should rely on the basic things we learned in grade school, such as respect and kindness. 

Overall, if you take anything from this article, I want you to remember that people have feelings. Reflect on times where bad communication has ruined your day or made you upset. Think about those feelings the next time you think it is OK to not respond to someone’s message, or decide to block your “friend” with no warning or explanation because they did something you did not like. I want the future to have effective communication, not whatever form of communication is normalized now.

• #social media
• communication
• ghosting