It’s easy to think a lot about what other people think about you. Comparison really is the thief of joy.Â
Before you know it, you fall into the trap of deciding that you are defined by every person you encounter and every opportunity you miss. In a recent internship interview, I realized we need to change the standards of self-definition. I went through the whole procedure, questions and answers carefully bouncing back and forth; before I could go, the interviewer said something that stopped me in my tracks:Â
“You’re the type of person I really want my daughter to be.”
I was shocked. Regardless of what happened next, I felt like I won.
This was not the first time that I had heard this, but it was the first time I let myself lean into believing it. It’s easy to brush off such an endearing compliment when you’re persistently pushing yourself to greater limits. I was tired of feeling so burnt out that it felt almost paralyzing. I was missing that motivation to fuel my next steps, and for a moment I paused. When was the last time I looked back and checked on my younger self? Maybe all this time, I was tuning out her cheering for me–the motivation I was seeking was right behind me, and I forgot to turn back. Â
Truth be told, I still feel more like the young girl admiring others rather than the point of admiration.
I have so much more to learn, do, and experience. Every moment I can, I seek out the amazing women on campus and beyond, so that I can learn how to be just like them. I never had considered that there is still a whole generation of young women who are now looking to us for inspiration. High schoolers anxiously wait to talk to us, seeing us as the qualified grown-ups who can help give them clarity on how to build their futures. We are where others want to be, but why do we still feel like we haven’t gone far enough?
No doubt, we are in a time and place where we constantly feel the need to chase. Every Instagram doomscroll is an opportunity to find ten new ways to change ourselves. Our eyes are always headed forwards towards something new, but you can’t go any further without relying on your own past success to push you forward.
Many young women have forgotten that they are actually a stepping stone ahead. They are where other young women want and need to be. So, maybe it’s time that we remember to think like those young girls looking up to us would.
I remember talking to a young professional woman a couple of months ago, and what she said not only stuck with me, but it became the topic of conversation for every other woman who heard her speak that night:
“Women constantly talk themselves out of roles they are more than qualified for.”
If we constantly talk ourselves out, maybe thinking about the girls who admire us is how we talk ourselves into putting ourselves in spaces we need to be in. This is not a matter of arrogance, but a matter of being dutiful to the community.
To talk yourself out of every space is to deny all of the people who have invested in you and chosen to support you because they saw your potential, but you didn’t. You would be ignoring the girls that look up to you. So, every moment you deny yourself the opportunity to move forward, you hold back the line for all of the supporters standing behind you. Think of your wide-eyed younger self—what would she say? Thus, I write this article as a message: if doubt is holding you back, remember to admire yourself the way others do.
You can keep looking forward, but every once in a while, we must remember what it’s like to be a step behind in your career. Whether it’s last week or last year, your own successes are reminders of the potential that you have to tackle the next challenge awaiting you. So, why not look to yourself for inspiration?
All this to say, when you feel like you just have not pushed yourself far enough, you have to remember everyone behind you who is admiring you, including the little girl you once were.
So I urge you, think like the little girl you once were.