A recent trend on social media, circulating this past November, where mothers would pick up their sons or daughters one last time, was always followed by comments mixed with sadness and gratitude.
Can you remember the last time you were picked up, secure in the safety of your mother, father, or guardian?
For me, the sadness associated with the idea of “last times” is coupled with a wave of nostalgia. Nearing the end of my freshman year of college, I am constantly reflecting on what my “lasts” are.
Reflecting on my own childhood, I can’t help but have very joyful and vivid memories of running through sprinklers on warm summer afternoons, scootering to the park, and dressing up for school picture days with uncontrollable excitement.
While these thoughts bring on feelings of sorrow, I can’t help but be grateful for such fond memories. These memories are often linked with the realization that the individuals your world once revolved around can quickly become strangers you see only over social media or in passing.
Entering UCSB, I found the student population to be extremely diverse in their backgrounds, experiences, and skills, many of which I had never encountered. And not only that, before giving myself a chance to breathe, I pressured myself into finding lifelong friends.
“Band-aid” buddies, or temporary friends that offer support, became increasingly important in the first few weeks as these individuals, still meaningful today, helped acclimate me to life in college. While these relationships might not have translated into a lifelong bond, and your “lasts” with the band-aid buddies got unceremoniously swept away in the whirlwind of starting college, they are significant all the same.
As I near the end of my first year at UCSB, what are my lasts? What memories will I miss the most? What moments will I long to relive 5 or 10 years down the road?
While it’s hard to imagine I’ll ever yearn for communal showers and daily trips to the dining halls, the unique freshman experience will be reminisced about. Besides the huge transition of coming to college, your freshman year marks a new beginning.
College allows you to grow and become a different, more independent version of yourself. The bathrooms, not ideal in their own right, were home to “sharties” (shower parties where my roommate and I would play music together in adjacent showers) and late-night debriefs.
The dining halls, where the menu is questionable at times, are where I discovered my love for yellow bell peppers, baked potatoes, and eating with friends.
It’s scary to think that “lasts” are happening to me right now, even as I write this article. Then again, everything in life has a beginning, a middle, and an end. My first year at UCSB is something I’ll cherish the rest of my life, yet it’s only in this very moment that I realize it.
There’s a tendency for us to be grateful, but only in hindsight. Reshaping our view of the journey will allow us to fully live in the moment and possibly extend the beginnings and middles.
I encourage all Gauchos, approaching various phases of their journeys with nerves, excitement, or fear, to embrace the moment and say, “YES!” Instead of only reminiscing on the moments we won’t get back, embrace the process. Sometimes I even glimpse nostalgia in real time. A warm awareness that what I am experiencing right now will be remembered in the future.
As I prepare to close out my freshman year, I’m constantly reminding myself to be more present and to acknowledge the last times. The last time I’ll eat at the dining hall or go for a sunset walk by the lagoon. The last time I’ll sit in the lounge or speed walk from the Chi-5 to my 9:00 lecture in Campbell Hall. While these moments are hard to capture, seemingly insignificant, I have leveraged journaling to make even the smallest moments feel memorable.
These emotions are also complemented by the urge to always consider the future. Oftentimes, I have an inability to stay focused on the present as I worry about what’s next. Hustle culture demands non-stop productivity. A glorified version of success that’s only attainable if you sacrifice balance, your physical health, and mental well-being. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the swarm of internships, LinkedIn connections, and good grades instead of focusing on the time that you have here.
UCSB is such a unique experience; who wouldn’t want to go to college and live on the beach? Throughout the past two quarters, I’ve tried to remind myself to enjoy the ride. I’ve accomplished this by taking pictures, making scrapbooks, and journaling my adventures.
Creating these digital trails provides me with a security blanket, knowing that I’ll always be able to relive these lasts. While they take time to curate and may collect dust over time, the comfort in capturing these experiences makes it worth it.
Finally, in a TikTok/Instagram-connected world, it’s virtually impossible not to compare yourself to what others are doing. I find myself getting caught up in how complete strangers are supposedly enjoying their first year at UCSB.
I get hit with feelings of resentment that I’m boring or that I’m not doing enough when what I should be doing is focusing on how awesome it is to be a Gaucho and living my life in the present.
Although the heartwrenching feeling of nostalgia can be overwhelming, I can’t help but be grateful for the fond memories of my first year at UCSB. You might not be able to capture every last time, but you can choose how to live it. Whether you’re finishing your first year or your final quarter here at UCSB, make it memorable.