My dress has been picked out. Heels, nails, and a swimsuit all prepped, and I just hung my gown up in the back of my closet. My friends have sent me their grad party invitations, and we’re all counting down the days till our post-grad job begins. All of this, and graduation is still four months away for me.
I’m not disappointed with myself for my summer graduation – I switched majors two years into my old one by credits and played hopscotch with my minors. If anything, I’m graduating early. There are benefits to a summer graduation, too. I still have access to student resources like the library and health center, and can take advantage of student discounts for juuust a bit longer. The downside to it, though, is that I will never get a “summer after college” in San Marcos. This summer, I’ll be taking two more classes and then walking the stage. Then I’m shipping myself off to Florida to begin my post-grad career (thank you, Disney!) It’s hard to wrap my head around because I feel like I’m all done. My four years have been served, and all my big milestones are coming to an end. Last fraternity banquet, last Her Campus banquet, graduation photoshoot, my last Texas State show. So, so many lasts and yet… I’m not done.
I think, once I get to summer, this bittersweet melancholy will go away. I’ll soak in the sun and the river, spend time with my friends, and overall enjoy my last bit of freedom now that I’m done with traditional school forever. However, that doesn’t get rid of the feeling I have now. I get to enjoy one last summer as a Texas State student with all the benefits and stressors that it entails.
San Marcos has given me a lot over these four years, and I feel both familiar and disconnected with this place at this point. It’s like I’m already walking in a memory before finals even begin. Will I ever get to truly say goodbye to this place? Or am I always going to feel this incomplete yearning for a summer I’ll never get? I’ve accomplished so much, and I am proud and grateful for every experience I’ve had, but I can’t shake this incomplete book feeling.
My plan for this summer is to take it easy; my last two classes aren’t the most strenuous, and my jobs–both at local San Marcos businesses–fulfill me emotionally and professionally. I know I’m going to have one last great summer, I just need to allow myself to mourn the “what-ifs” first. What if I could go home? What if I picked a different job? What if I had more time? I think every college graduate has this melancholy, honestly. College graduation is the last step before true adulthood; it’s scary to seemingly abandon adult-childhood. This bittersweetness would be here whether I graduated in the spring, fall, or an extra year from now. A half-doomed, semi-sweet feeling that I’ll shake off long before I jump into the river on August 1st.