When I was growing up, I got sucked into watching My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. I watched him take seemingly impossible ideas and bring them to life. A new dress, decorations that fit the bride’s theme beyond measure, and at the end, the promise of forever. I absolutely devoured it. It’s how I learned what an A-line dress was before I was even looking at dress styles.
Even though I was watching a show centered around a bride getting her perfect day and marrying the perfect person, I was more concerned about the bridesmaids. I wasn’t worried about finding Mr. Right as much as I was imagining which friends would have me in their weddings and which one’s I would have in mine.
Wouldn’t it be beautiful? Being able to stand beside someone you’ve known since elementary school or high school? If you ask me, that’s a bigger sign of commitment than a marriage to someone you’ve known for less time. In other words, it’s a beautiful thing to stand with someone whom you’ve grown up with.
When I left for college, I had the same friends that I’d had for years. At first, the distance wasn’t a problem. With FaceTimes and school breaks, the friendships I’d had were standing the test of time. It felt good to have my childhood friends still with me after all that time, no matter what. That is until we either grew apart or true colors began to show.
That leaves me where I am now: not a bridesmaid. Time really does change in the blink of an eye.
While some people might think that early-20s is too young to get married, it’s in fact becoming more common. What takes me aback the most isn’t that the friendships faded out, it’s that I was verbally told by three people that I’d be in their wedding, only for them to turn around once they got engaged and not send an invitation. Words still carry weight! Words still matter because false assurance is just as bad as a lie.
They say three is a lucky number, and in my case, the third time was probably the nail in the coffin of my lineup as a bridesmaid.The first girl who asked me to be in her wedding, I hadn’t expected since we weren’t close. However, she’d told me twice in the months before her engagement that “of course you’d be a bridesmaid.” I found out through Instagram that she was engaged.
The second occurrence happened after one of my friends at the time was talking about her breakup and that she hadn’t wanted to marry him. She then went on to talk about her future wedding. When she got to her bridal party, I didn’t say anything. She knew that I was previously told that I’d be in someone’s party, and I didn’t want to assume I’d be in hers, even though we’d been best friends. But she’d said with utmost confidence that “of course you’d be my Maid of Honor, who else would it be?” Two years later and it wasn’t me.
The one who cemented my fate as never the bridesmaid told me twice that I’d be the Maid of Honor because “no one else could do the job.” I suppose that reasoning was true, as she didn’t end up having a bridal party. I wouldn’t know the full story though, as I never got the wedding details.
Those were not instances from when we were children and promised everything so freely. These were people I’d known for years, who willingly made those declarations without prompting. Of course, things change, whether it be lifestyles or values, and things work out for the best. Since I was someone who’d been waiting for the day I’d be in the bridal party versus the actual bride, it honestly sucked. It was hard not to imagine what it would’ve been like if I’d been there when I saw their wedding photos online.
In the world of loose friendships and varied priorities, I’ve grown to accept what’s given to me at face value instead of taking assurances to heart. While it’s certainly not what I thought would happen in my friendships, it’s always beneficial to have a reality check. The world changes, as does how people operate.Â
While part of me has mourned my childhood desire to be there for someone on their big day, the other part is at peace knowing that it might not happen. And that’s okay.Â